Shiawasena Owari Katanantenai
by trimurti
Summary: When something horrible happens to one of their own, the Hokage are forced into seeing how cruel reality can be. How do they adjust? Or do they even try?
1. Cut Short

Shiawasena Owari Kata ch.1

Shiawasena Owari Katanantenai  
  
A Recca no Honoo fanfic  
By Tenshi no Ai  
  
(Between Abekobe and now...I still haven't gotten the rights to Recca no Honoo.)  
  
(A/N: I'll say this once...this chapter, and thereby this fic, is riding on NC-17 because of sexual content. Non-consenual sexual content. RAPE. Please, please have the mental maturity needed to read this. It doesn't matter about age, just that you can handle this mentally.)  
  
(A/N 2: Thank you to Karen-sempai for transalating the title for me!)  
  
Dedication: To Teresa...whatever you went through, we all went through. You are my angel, but I wish I didn't have to say that...  
  


  
  
Ch. 1: Cut Short  
(Yanagi's POV)  
  
  
I'm so happy!  
  
I wasn't going to tell Fuuko-san or any of the others about...certain things that had happened recently, but when Kaoru-kun came over with that video camera for a school project and started asking me questions...I couldn't resist! The looks on their faces when I told them of my...no, mine and Recca's secret...well! We planned to keep this a secret from everyone, but...  
  
Well, Hanabishi Yanagi' has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?  
  
Life has gotten so much more peaceful since freshman year of high school. I still can't believe that all those fights took place in the course of a school year, but then again, at least it wasn't longer. I like the peace since then...I like being more to Recca than just Hime'.   
  
I look at the thin band on my ring finger. I *really* like being more to Recca...  
  
I smile happily while waving to some of the children from the kindergarten. Nineteen years old and I still work there. I love it. I'm in college right now, majoring in teacher studies. Recca's taking over his otousan's fireworks business, so he's not in school.   
  
I glance at the delicate ring on my finger again. It's becoming more obsessive, this ring. I always have to look at it. It's the physical bond of our love. I wasn't expecting anything like this, but just the way he proposed... I want to be your ninja forever... And the way I responded... I want to be your hime forever, Recca-kun...  
  
Ever since then, I gave up the -kun' honorific. He's closer to me than any honorific could show. And now he calls me Yanagi-hime'. We've known each other, what, three years now? Wow...  
  
I can feel the heat flare up on my cheeks and I just know that everybody's looking at me funny...  
  
I look to my left. Ishijima no Hana... I murmur to myself. Domon-kun's family business. Should I walk in and tell him about this little ring on my finger and under what circumstances I got it from? I pause next to the door. No, Recca can tell him. I've told enough people today. It's been almost two days since the proposal...maybe Recca'll inadvertently reveal it to the others.  
  
Hm. The sun's going down over the park. I want to get to Recca's house quickly, before he leaves to pick me up from Fuuko-san's house, just to surprise him. I think that Kaoru-kun and Fuuko-san are still pooling over that tape, just to see if I actually said that I was now Recca's fiancé.  
  
The sun's setting faster than I thought it would...the only way to get over to Recca's house before the sun sets is to go through this shortcut. This alley cuts through Junshin Street, which is the street I'm on now, to Kibou Way, Recca's street. It's kind of dark in this alley, but if I go all the way around it'd be too late to surprise Recca. Actually, he'd probably be surprised if I wasn't at Fuuko-san's house like I said that I'd be, but then I'd worry him for nothing.   
  
Ah...I might as well go down this alley.   
  
My shoes make sploshing noises in the puddles of water. Why do alleys always seem to have puddles of water? Ah, it's just water. Even if it's a little dirty, I don't think that Recca and I were going out tonight, so the shoes can just be cleaned and dried at his house.   
  
Tum tum tum tum  
  
My footsteps echo off the imposing stone walls on either side of me. It feels like this alley is really narrow, which kind of scares me. It doesn't help that the sun's already set. It's so dark, and I can see the shadows of trash cans and stuff because of some lights in the distance.   
  
They seem so far away.  
  
I quicken my leisurely pace, my skirt swishing against my knees. My breathing is in short spurts. Why did I decide to go through an alley when the sun's setting if I was going to scare myself like this?  
  
I look at my left hand. There's a glint coming from the ring, probably reflecting some far away light. Looking at it comforts me, and I twist it up and down my finger, feeling the cold metal warmed by my touch.  
  
It's like Recca's right here with me.  
  
I slow down. I shouldn't be so scared. I mean, look at all the things I've gone through in my life! I've dealt with a man who wanted me so desperately just for his own ends...I've been kidnapped, I've had to be The Gift', I've been kidnapped by someone I thought was a friend...and I'm still alive and relatively okay.  
  
But the bright lights at the end of this alley seem so far away.  
  
Suddenly, I feel my ring slip off my finger! My twisting it to calm myself down must've loosened it. Frantically I bend down and start feeling around for it. My hands splash around in the gritty water, and I try desperately to stay calm. I'm not going to find it if I splash around like a little child in the rain.   
  
Ah~! Here it is! The metal is cold again, but at least...  
  
A calloused hand pushes itself over my face, roughly covering my mouth. Startled, I fall back, hitting against a person's legs. I try to scream, but the sound is strangled. Each finger on this hand presses against my face so hard that my cheeks well up around the offending digits. Another hand yanks my right arm up, half carrying, half dragging my body up. I slam against a stone wall, the jagged bumps digging into my back. A body presses itself against mine, forcing me deeper into the wall.   
  
Finally, after all these fucking years you're by yourself, a male voice growls into my ear. I realize that my eyes are clenched tightly together, and I cautiously open one, then quickly close it. aww, too scared to look? I bet you're still so innocent. You probably don't even know what I'm going to do with you...what I've wanted to do with you for all these years.  
  
I jerk around, trying to get some leeway. I'm not stupid. I know what could happen to a lone girl in a dark alley with no one around...  
  
So, why did I anyway?  
  
My struggling seems to amuse him or something, because he doesn't even make any effort to hold me back. Then he shoves himself against me harder, and the stone wall digs into me from scalp to behind. I don't stop moving around. I have to fight him!  
  
I can feel my air running out. I don't want to die! I desperately try to push him away with my knees. I hear a muffled groan and the weight against me seems to lessen. I push it all off and stumble away, trying to grasp enough air into my lungs so I can run.   
  
It isn't even a decent chase. As I scamper away, arms swinging wildly and legs attempting to push me away from this man, I feel his roughened fingers scrape against my left wrist. In one swift move, he swings me around and my elbow hits the edge of the brick wall. Was it the same one that I was forced against just seconds ago? I don't know, my eyes are still closed.   
  
But the force of my elbow against the edge of the wall crushes through my elbow, my arm bending in the opposite way.   
  
I know I'm screaming, but the sound must be beyond what my ears can handle. Or maybe it was a split-second scream before the calloused hand returns back over my mouth. My knees buckle, and suddenly I'm lying on the ground. The pain comes in thick waves, unrelenting in its assault. Nausea squeezes and wrenches my stomach.   
  
Through the murky smog of pain and nausea, I feel my cotton top being ripped down the middle.   
  
His hands are on me; one covers my mouth while the other gropes and squeezes my breasts. I can feel every imprint of his touch on my body, staining and bruising me. I turn my head to the side, flinching instinctively with each brush, each indentation from his roughened hand. I wouldn't dare open my eyes now. Tears push through my eyelids, rolling down my face and drying in all sorts of streaks.   
  
He releases my breasts after giving them one last brutal rub with that roughened hand, making more salty tears force through my sore eyelids. Then he yanks my skirt above my hips and clamps his hand down on me through my panties. I try to buck him off, but the movement shakes my broken arm, and the agony slams into me again.   
  
I've wanted you for so long, Sakoshita. Not even that fag ninja boy could make me stay away, I faintly hear him say while something rips inside me. Weakly I try to move, but his knees are on mine, forcing my legs apart and preventing them from moving. he groans out, ripping me apart further, more burning stabs, and then he forces himself inside so deeply that I feel like I should be splitting apart.   
  
I can feel his body heavily on top of mine, and he uses the hand clamped onto my mouth to bring my head up. A faint odor of cologne wafts past my nostrils and gel-stiffened hair brushes across my cheek as his hot breath fondles my ear. Yanagi...I got to you before your ninja boy could do it. You see what this means? You are mine, he breathes into my ear, causing my body to tingle, you belong to me.  
  
The weight is off me, the hand removed. Battered, bruised and broken, I weakly open one eye. I see the blurry backside of a man quickly growing smaller as all my tears are finally released. I want you to remember me everytime he touches you...I want to haunt you like you do me. Oh, and this must be yours, he tosses something small behind his back and walks away.   
  
The object floats in the air, landing with a small plop into a puddle close to my face. I raise my head slightly, still hurting from those calloused fingers, to look at the object. It's circular and gold, with red chips forming a half circle with a three-tailed split at one end and three white chips placed inside the curve of the circle. The symbol of Hokage.  
  
My engagement ring.  
  
My eye closes again as I weakly force my lungs to give voice to my predicament.   
  
  
  
_You belong to me..._  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
winces Did I really write that? Um, anybody left still reading these notes can simply just review now. Please. And no flames. shakes head Damn, that's *really* riding up on the NC-17 rating, isn't it? This was a story I had to write, forgive me for doing so.


	2. Brutal Truth

Shiawasena Owari Kata ch.2

  
Shiawasena Owari Katanantenai  
  
A Recca no Honoo fanfic  
By Tenshi no Ai  
  
Does. Not. Own.   
  
(A/N: Just to let y'all know, Kasumi is not an original character, she's this chibi girl in vol. 23 of the manga who has a crush on Domon. She's the same age as well. I'm sorry if I totally mangle her character, but I'm working off of a character featured in one chapter...a touch hard to portray correctly'. And yes, she's fairly important to this story.)  
  


  
  
Ch. 2: Brutal Truth  
(Kasumi and Recca's POV)  
  
  
(Kasumi's POV)  
  
Sometimes I really dislike this job.  
  
My aunt thought that this would be a great opportunity for me, to really work with people and make a difference in someone's life. She told me that I couldn't hang around flowers all day, what's the importance of flowers in the real world? Through her guidance, my parents quickly agreed to get me into the medical field, so that is my major for college. I wanted to study botany, but I didn't want to go against my parents' wishes. And due to my aunt's job as head nurse of the city hospital, I was able to fill an intern status as well.  
  
But my heart still lies with flowers.  
  
The worst part of my job is that I always have to do the worst jobs. I can barely stand the horrid filing of medical charts and the monotonous typing to enter said charts into the computer, but there's one thing worse.  
  
Whenever the doctors and the nurses don't want to share the bad news of a patient's condition to their loved ones, I'm always made to do it. Kasumi-chan, you're just so good with other people, so it's natural that you should do this line of work. That's what they always say. It's just because that I look like a child, the hospital staff thinks that I help to reassure the next of kin. Wouldn't the patient's loved ones want personnel who looked qualified to tell them the bad news?  
  
But I keep doing it anyway.  
  
This time though, I really don't want to. One of the senior nurses gave me the chart of a recent patient when I came in, about an hour ago, and told me to go and tell the parents when they came in. I glanced at the basic information and saw that it was a girl, age nineteen. Same age as me. Because my weekend shift is from midnight to eight in the morning, I could already tell that this was going to be a bad case. A girl wheeled into the hospital in the early hours of the morning has to be a worse case than in the daytime.  
  
Worse things happen at night.  
  
I'm now sitting behind the reception desk, glancing at the rest of the chart, anxiously awaiting the parents. Sakoshita Yanagi...I've heard of someone with that name at my old high school. I think we graduated the same year.   
  
I've already read the rest of the information on the injuries sustained already. I'd rather just focus on the name instead of that other stuff.   
  
The front doors slide open, and a middle aged couple briskly walks inside, followed by a guy my age. They immediately go to the first nurse they see shuffling about, who immediately points them to the reception desk. I stand up and make my way around the desk, cursing fate the whole time. Why am I going to them?   
  
Then they'd hear about their daughter's rape that much faster.  
  
Ohayo gozaimasu, Sakoshita-san? I ask just to make sure. As much as I don't want to tell them, they're even more anxious to know. The man, looking very worn out and weak, nods tiredly. The woman by his side clings onto him and stares at me with frightened eyes.   
  
One is already resigned to fate and the other expects the worst to happen.  
  
How bad is it, nurse? Is Yanagi almost dead or what? How bad is it that the police wouldn't even tell us? Please, just tell us straight out! Yanagi-san's okaasan blurts out. Even more unnerved now , I grip the chart to my chest. Her husband just pats her on the shoulder, eyes asking the same question.  
  
I look past them, to the spiky-haired guy behind them. He's staring at his feet, so I can't see what kind of panic he's going through. I'm only allowed to tell direct family members this information, I drag out. He looks vaguely familiar, but I can't place him.   
  
It's okay, nurse, the otousan says quietly, he's our daughter's boyfriend, Hanabishi Recca. He's as close to her as we are.  
  
Hanabishi Recca? I've heard of him. He went to my high school. He thinks he's a ninja and he's a good friend of...someone else I know.   
  
But this just turned from unbearable to horribly unbearable. I have to tell her parents and boyfriend that...  
  
I look up at the parents and attempt to keep my breathing the same. I don't want to do this I really don't want to do this... Sakoshita Yanagi is currently in a coma, due to the nature of the attack, but is expected to wake up in a couple of days. She has various bruises and contusions on her body, as well as a broken left arm.  
  
The okaasan nearly collapses. I...I thought worse...almost dead or...oh, thank kami, I thought of the worst... she buries her face into her husband's chest and begins sobbing in relief.  
  
Although it's bad, at least it's just a broken arm and some bruises...at least that's all the attacker did to her. And she'll wake up soon enough, the otousan closes his eyes and sighs, holding his wife close to him.  
  
I look away. How can I possibly tell them the worst of it? How can I tell them when they seem so perfectly relieved right now? I don't want to...  
  
Oi, chibi-nurse, a new voice cuts through my thoughts of denial. I look up into the stormy blue eyes of Hanabishi Recca, who's crouching in front of me. That's not all, is it?  
  
Why do you want to torture yourself with more, I nearly cry out. And then I look deeper into his eyes.   
  
He knows.  
  
Iie...it isn't, I murmur. Sakoshita Yanagi's parents look at me, fear back into their entire being. It was...she was...  
  
I take a breath. I was thinking earlier about the loved ones and how they should be facing someone competent instead of a little girl playing dress up.  
  
  
  
No matter how much I may wish that I wasn't in this position, how much I may want to be with my flowers, I have to do this.  
  
  
  
Was I truly forced into doing this, like I always tell myself? If I'm going to do this, I'm going to have to assume the role completely.  
  
  
  
But I still don't want to do this.  
  
The okaasan stares at me in shock for a timeless second, then collapses to her knees and starts wailing loudly. The otousan stumbles back a bit, before catching himself. He mutely crouches down, picks up his wife, then half carries, half drags his wife out the hospital. I drop the chart, and Hanabishi-kun picks it up, hands it to me, then sprints out the door after them. But I still saw his face.  
  
I think I saw...tears?   
  
There's nothing I can do about how they feel. I never wanted to tell them.   
  
Mechanically I walk back to behind the desk, barely noticing the nurses who were watching the whole scene but didn't want to interfere. I place the chart on top of all the other medical charts of other seriously injured people who have been entered in the hospital while I was dealing with the parents and Hanabishi-kun.  
  
And then I start to cry.  
  
This is the worst job in the world, and it's now reached new lows.  
  
And it's my job.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Recca's POV)  
  
Bam!  
  
I shout as my last punch to the wall cracks something in my throbbing hand. It's all scrapped and bloody from me punching the hospital wall for the last...I don't know. But it doesn't help me forget what I heard.  
  
I want to rip that bastard who hurt my Yanagi-hime into pieces and use each of my flame dragons on each and every piece of his body.   
  
I should be doing that to myself for failing her.   
  
I lean against the bruised wall, breathing heavily. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. I'm supposed to protect Hime from anything that tries to hurt her. I promised that, not just to her, but to myself too.   
  
Chikusho...I broke the very first promise we made to each other, to never show anybody else our powers, so what's another broken promise?  
  
Yeah, did you hear about that girl? The rape victim? I turn and see two nurses leaving the hospital. They're talking about Yanagi-hime, so I hide in the shadows of the wall.   
  
That's a ninja skill, y'know, one of those skills I promised to protect Hime with.  
  
Oh, yeah, Kasumi-chan had to tell the parents. Who keeps on sticking her with those jobs anyway?  
  
Who knows? She just does whatever anyone asks her to do. She's just a cute little mindless doll. Anyway, I heard that the victim's the only child of the Sakoshita family.  
  
Hontou ni? That's one of the richest families in this city!  
  
Hai. I bet you it's one of those revenge things. You know, some guy who couldn't get a job blames all the rich people and tries something like this. But really, I heard that the girl was found in an alley near Kibou Way.  
  
Kibou Way?  
  
Hai. I'm just thinking that any half-way intelligent girl would know not to be going through dark alleys at night. Even if we have a lesser crime rate than, say, America, still. You have to have common sense with these kind of things.  
  
Maybe she was rushing to somewhere?  
  
Yeah, well, the only place she was rushed to was the hospital.   
  
I slump against the wall. Yanagi-hime was going to my house when she was...  
...  
  
The next thing I know, the sky seems to be getting lighter. It's almost dawn. Groggily, I stand up.   
  
I have to see Hime.   
  
Room 347. That's what it said on that chibi-nurse's chart. And that's where I'm in front of a short while later. Just another one of those ninja skills that I'm supposed to use to protect my Yanagi-hime. I open the door and nearly run out again.  
  
She's in the bed, looking all peaceful and neatly tucked in a sea of white. I walk up to the bed. Her light-brown hair's all spread out under her head. She really looks like an angel.  
  
Beep....beep....beep....beep....  
  
That's the sound of the heart monitor.   
  
I look again. Her left arm's in a cast. She has these red marks on her face that look like finger marks. There's some sort of breathing mask over her nose and mouth. Her face has no expression, but her right hand's gripping her blanket. And there's a tube leading from her right arm to an IV bag positioned up next to the bed.  
  
I don't even want to think about the bruises and stuff under the blanket.  
  
I stand over her bed. If she woke up right now and saw me, what would she do? Would she want to be comforted and have me hold her, or would her only comfort be seeing me commit seppuku?  
  
Whatever you want, I'll do it.  
  
I reach over and gently touch her hand. She immediately loosens her hold on her blanket. I rub my fingers against her smooth palm, then entwine my fingers in her own. Her face still has no expression, but she seems to be sleeping better.   
  
I whisper hoarsely, not wanting to wake her up but wanting for her to hear this, I've failed you so many times. I've tried...to make it up to you, and I'm going to try again. I swear that I'll find whoever did this to you and rip him apart, and then I'll submit myself to whatever punishment you have for me.  
  
I lean over to get a closer look at her face. Even with those red marks on her cheeks and that mask over her nose and mouth, she's still beautiful to me. I reach with the other hand and touch her bangs covering her forehead. They're so soft.  
  
It's all my fault, Hime, but we're going to get through this together, okay? Because we're Hime and ninja. We get through everything together.  
  
I wonder how you would respond if you could hear me, Yanagi-hime?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
A little about Kasumi-chan! She's so chibi that when Domon first saw her, he thought that she was a little kid looking for flowers for her mom. Then she glomped onto him and started crying. Good one...anyway, she really likes flowers and the reason why she likes Domon so much is because, early in the school year, he pummeled the guys that didn't apologize for trampling her flower garden with their soccer ball and then he helped her replant the flowers. She becomes his tutor to help him stay in school and confesses her feelings to him, but he tells her that he's in love with someone else, which she already knew...but she's so nice that she gives him flowers as he goes to bring back Yanagi from SODOM...ah, sorry, talking too much...  
  
A heartfelt thank you to each of the reviewers. If I thought that it was hard writing that first chapter, I can't imagine how hard it was to read it for the very first time...especially with that warning blaring off at the top of the page like that. I worried and fretted about what kind of reaction I would get to that....explict scene, and I honestly wondered how many flames were going to roast me alive. Apparently, it seems like people who would've flamed or would've had angry reviews took the hint at the warning. I think that rarely happens, so I'm thankful to the ones who hightailed it too.   
  
With that in mind, I would like to thank ReccaGirl, who seems to be the true perma-reviewer now....excepting Karen and Hoowee, of course! Anyway, I also appreciated your reply to my email, it really made my day (especially since I was having such a crappy one). Mi-chan's Fan...he seems to have a lot of them, I've noticed...I think the fact that I made you pity a character that you don't like is probably the most interesting compliment to my writing. I hope you read the next chapters and see how you like the way I portray the other characters. Oh, and Karen, my fellow S. Californian, thanks for showing me the FoR WinAmp skins. Um, but, y'know, I have an iMac, so...well, at least I have pretty pictures! Oh, and Um? That was an interesting review....um, I don't condone that kind of language, but it *might* make sense later...more info on that later, though. And to The Blue Sorceress (I'm doing this late at night, forgive if I mispell your name'), thank you very much. It was very hard for me to write that chapter, and it's just going to be harder for me. But I appreciate all the kind comments so far, and y'all are going to have to forgive me for rambling. ^+^V  
  
See you next week (or whenever I post and you read) for 3!


	3. The Ones Left Behind

Shiawasena Owari Kata ch.3

Shiawasena Owari Katanantenai  
  
A Recca no Honoo fanfic  
By Tenshi no Ai  
  
Does. Not. Own.   
  


Ch. 3: The Ones Left Behind  
(Fuuko, Kasumi and Kaoru's POV)  
  
(Fuuko's POV)  
  
So, you haven't seen either of them? I ask. Everybody in Yanagi's World Literature class shakes their head. I sigh and leave, walking to the middle of the campus. Ever since Saturday, the day that Yanagi and Kaoru were over at my house, I haven't seen Yanagi OR Recca. I'm starting to think that they eloped or something! Nobody knows where either of them are. Even though Recca doesn't go to our college, he's here often enough walking Yanagi around that most people should know who he is.   
  
It's weird. Kaoru says that Recca hasn't been home since Saturday night. Kagerou-san says that Recca had left to pick up Yanagi at my house, but I remember that Yanagi left early from my house for theirs. Domon says that he thought he had seen Yanagi go by the flower shop, but he was dealing with a strange customer at the time and didn't think about it. Mi-chan doesn't know a thing about Saturday night, but he was calm and cool about it.   
  
He didn't appreciate the eloping comment though.   
  
But the more I think about it, the more it seems like it could've happened. I mean, maybe the Sakoshita family didn't approve of it or something. They're a rich family, and maybe they didn't want their only daughter marrying the adopted son of a fireworks maker.   
  
But the impression I got from Yanagi was that her parents would be all happy about the whole thing, and Kaoru's tape is filled with how she wants the wedding in a Western style that she's certain her parents would pay for. So, where could she be?  
  
My cell phone beeps. My mom's been worried about me since my disappearances' back in high school, so she bought me this to keep tabs on me. Ah, moshi moshi, I mutter, reaching the quad and sitting at one of the benches.  
  
The voice sounds like Kagerou's. I guess Recca finally decided to show up.  
  
Hai, Kagerou-san. Did Recca come by?  
  
A pause. Fuuko-chan, could you find Mikagami-kun and Domon-kun and come over to the house? Kaoru-kun is already here.  
  
I look at my watch. 1:37. Whatever it is, Kagerou must've been real anxious to pull Kaoru out of school. Aa. Is Recca and Yanagi there?  
  
Could you please just come by? Her voice sounds anxious, and then I hear a click.   
  
That's...odd. Did something happen? Suddenly, I don't feel very well. Did something happen to Recca? Is Yanagi currently at his side at the hospital, trying her best to heal him, even with her weakened powers? Or...did something happen to Yanagi?   
  
All these what if's' are hurting my head!  
  
I head immediately to Mi-chan's apartment. He has morning classes, I remember that, but I don't think he has another class until 3 or so. I bang on the door until he opens it, an annoyed look on his face.   
  
What do you want, Kirisawa? He's glaring at me, and all of a sudden I remember that he has a night job, so he usually sleeps whenever he has the chance.  
  
Kagerou-san just called me and told me to get you and Domon and come over to her house, I explain quickly. He looks at me for a minute longer, then walks out and shuts the door behind him.   
  
Did she say anything else? Mi-chan asks as we head over to the flower shop. I shake my head, too worried about what *could've* happened. We collect Domon without much fuss, then we head over to the Hanabishi house nearby, walking through the alleyway as a shortcut.   
  
I don't know why, but when I walked through there....I got the chills.  
  
Kagerou-san greets us with an expressionless face and hurries us to the family room. Kaoru was already there, a worried look on his face. After we sit down around the table, Kagerou-san takes a deep breath and starts. I'm sorry to be so mysterious about this, but Recca just came by. He wouldn't tell me much, but...he did say that Yanagi was in the hospital.  
  
I slam my hand down on the table. What? Since when?  
  
She looks at me cautiously. I'm guessing since Saturday night.  
  
Kaoru springs up, I should've walked her home! I-  
  
It's not the time to start blaming ourselves, Kagerou-san sternly interrupts, we're all going to go to the hospital together and find out for ourselves what happened. My son was extremely distraught when he came by, and he wouldn't tell me anything about the nature of Yanagi's condition. Judging from that, we have to assume that it is very bad.  
  
Saturday night? But she was with me on Saturday, and then she left to go to Recca's house a couple streets away....between there and here something happened?  
  
And all of a sudden Kaoru's words come back to me.  
  
*I* should've walked her home....  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Kasumi's POV)  
  
I feel so listless right now. It's such a nice Monday outside, and instead I'm stuck at the hospital, entering in all the weekend med charts. This is a prefectural hospital. Do you know how many people live in a prefecture? Do you know how many people get injured or sick in a prefecture every day? Too many for me to do and not get driven crazy.  
  
I try to look over the counter at the sliding-glass doors, trying to get a peek of summer, then I give up. I haven't magically grown the 4 or so inches I would need to see over the front desk yet. So, back to work I go...typing in character after character for names...kanji, kanji, kanji...hm, willow'...  
  
Sakoshita Yanagi.  
  
I drop the chart. Their eyes, wanting to know more, more. Hurt me, tell me more. Tell me all the details. The number of bruises, how long do you think she struggled before...that man....broke her arm? Already taken the pregnancy test? Positive? How about STDs? Tell us everything.  
  
That's what I hear her parents say in my dreams.   
  
And I see stormy blue eyes shining with tears.  
  
Sullenly, I pick up the chart from the floor. One of the doctors must've been looking at it recently; it's still on a clipboard. I close my eyes, then put the clipboard down next to the others. It's a special case that the doctors all want to monitor. After all, it's about the daughter of one of the richest families in this whole town, if not the prefecture itself. That's why everyone cares. It's still a miracle that the news reporters haven't swarmed the hospital. Maybe they don't know yet, maybe they just have respect.  
  
I get up from the seat that I've been occupying for the last 3 hours and walk around the counter. I'm determined to get a hit of sunshine, even if it's just looking at it longingly through the glass doors. Life's not fair.  
  
In the distance, I see several people approaching. A...a large man, a woman, another one with long light hair, a boyish looking girl, and a shorter boy. Funny...something about them seems a bit familiar.  
  
Large man. Large man. Focus on him only...why? Reminds me of a huge stone, a-  
  
Ishi.   
  
Ishijima Domon.   
  
*Him*.  
  
I feel the ground shuffling beneath my feet. Or is it the other way around? I *have* to do something. *He* is a friend of that other guy, the guy who thought I was a nurse, the guy who is the boyfriend of Sakoshita Yanagi.   
  
They're going to ask me questions. And I'll be compelled to answer because...*he* is there. I don't want to answer them...but I want to help *him*...just like I used to in high school for all 3 years. Then we went our separate ways  
  
He took my heart with him.  
  
But no, that's old news. He's in love with another girl. That's okay, I guess. I knew that before.   
  
The doors slide open for them, and Ishijima...Domon-kun actually has to duck a bit when they walk inside. They look around the lobby until, by chance, the short boy looks at me. Hey...do you work here? he asks.   
  
I look at him with a blank expression, then sigh. No avoiding this. Hai, I do, I say quietly.   
  
Suddenly everybody following the boy zooms in around me. I let my eyes flit around them, looking anywhere but...  
  
his voice thunders down around me, and I *have* to look up. All these feelings...they well up in me, making me dizzy and alert. I know what he wants, but I can't...  
  
Domon-kun, how are you? It's been a year, hasn't it? A year since we've graduated? A year since I've last seen you? I can't believe it's been so long. Are you in college? I remember you weren't sure of it just before we graduated. Or are you working at the flower shop all the time now? I'll have to stop by sometime and buy some flowers. I haven't had the time, really. I'm only here as an intern, you see, I babbled, hoping to deflect any questions. But Domon-kun has always been able to hold rigidly to the ground and see through all illusions...when he wants to.  
  
He sighs, then crouches down to my level, something I resent from most people but not him. Never him. Kasumi-chan, do you know what happened here Saturday night? To Sakoshita Yanagi? She's a friend, and we really want to know what happened to her.  
  
I look up at the others with him. The boyish-looking girl...yes, I'm certain that's her. Kirisawa Fuuko, the girl that Domon-kun said he was in love with. She's looking around the hospital anxiously. And then there's the girl with the long light blue hair next to her. A really tall girl, actually. I don't know who that is. A woman with shoulder-length black hair dressed in a causal sun dress and a blank look is next to the long-haired girl. And then there's the short boy. I only call him short because he's only a couple inches taller than me. He's shuffling around anxiously.  
  
More people expecting the worst.  
  
Minna-san, I'm only an intern. What makes you think that I would know about a Sakoshita Yanagi? It's against hospital policy to tell anyone of other people's cases, and I must abide by this, even if I hate this job.  
  
Domon looks satisfied, until the long-haired girl speaks. Because you would have to type in all the cases into the computer, the voice is low, deep....masculine? A man?  
  
I can't tell you about that case! I burst out suddenly, surprising everyone and especially myself, it's classified! I may hate this job, but I have to abide by these rules! Onegai, just leave...  
  
Domon-kun puts his hand on my shoulder and smiles comfortingly. Kasumi-chan, she's our friend. We have to know. Her boyfriend won't tell us, so we have to go to the source.  
  
Why does *everyone* want to know about Sakoshita Yanagi's case? Her friends now...everybody just *has* to know. My eyes start tearing up, and I look up at Domon-kun's face. His eyes...so gentle...stop looking at me like that! Just like the time, three years ago, when you said that you were sorry but you were in love with someone else and I already knew but I still had to tell you how I felt...  
  
Almost mechanically I draw myself away from his hold on my shoulder and walk around the counter. The file's still where I left it, and I take it and bring it over to them.   
With shaking hands, I slowly hold it up to Domon-kun.   
  
Take this, the offering of my love...  
  
This has everything that you would want to know since Saturday night... I hear myself speak without a quiver in my voice.   
  
It's out of my hands now...  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Kaoru's POV)  
  
Yanagi-chan...  
  
I don't know how I got home, how I'm sitting in my room right now. I guess Kagerou-kaachan brought me here.  
  
Yanagi-chan....  
  
The walls in my room are white. A dull white. It used to be a supply room before Hanabishi-tousan cleaned it up for me. Then me and Recca-niichan painted the walls cause Hanabishi-tousan said he did enough and Kagerou-kaachan's allergic to paint. Recca-niichan took out the first can of paint he could find cause he was being lazy and it just happened to be white.  
  
White. White. Clean white. Pure white. Innocence...  
  
Yanagi-chan.  
  
The word rips out of my throat as I slam my fist against the wall. I stay like that for an endless moment, then I slowly remove my hand from the wall. The thin covering of paint is chipped, and spiderwebs of black starkly show.  
  
The wall isn't white anymore.  
  
I mumble, and it makes me feel worse but I can't not say her name,   
  
Bruised....cracked....not....not....she's not....  
  
My fault!  
  
Hot tears squeeze out of my eyes as I clamp them shut in wretched denial. But I can't deny. I won't deny.   
  
Yanagi-chan....Yanagi-chan....  
  
I should've walked you home! You were going to my house! I should've....why didn't I...  
  
I stand. My eyes painfully open, and the first thing I see is the tape.  
  
The tape I made with Yanagi just before....  
  
My eyes drift toward another precious object. Gold shyly peeking out of a hastily wrapped cloth.  
  
The white wrappings drift to the floor under trembling hands. The tape is on the floor.  
  
The tape.  
  
I was editing it when....  
  
Because of you... I raggedly breathe out. The blade of Kougan Anki's first face is high above me, and I stare at it in distant wonder. Then I'm looking at the tape, that black rectangle on the floor.  
  
Yanagi-chan!  
  
Kougan Anki slips out of my hands, clattering onto the floor. I can't do it. I can't do it.  
  
Yanagi-chan is in there.  
  
I fall to the floor, clutching at the tape and hugging it to my body. The edge of the plastic rubs against my bandana, caressing the jagged scar on my wrist.  
  
Yanagi-chan...  
  
The hard plastic tape is a poor substitute for your warm, soft hugs.  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Ah...another chapter done. Yeah, this focuses on Kasumi-chan a lot, but this was the only way I could write this chapter and really get into developing her character. Next chapter will really get into Yanagi's feelings, as well as Fuuko's and Mikagami's. Writing this story's really getting to me, but I will finish this....most likely it'll be done before the end of October (of course, this is assuming that I post a chapter every week or something....go to my author's page to see why that's too much to hope for). But at the same time, writing this is good for me, kinda like purging my soul or something. Well, what's really making this story easier to write are the kind reviews that I get...  
  
...and when I talk about kind reviews, first and foremost I'd have to thank ReccaGirl for her empathy. I plan to delve as deep as I can into the Hokage's feelings, so I hope this won't be overload on you. And thank you for your prayers, but at this point, shouldn't they be going somewhere else? (I hate to bring up the WTC, Pentagon, and Pennslyvania crash, but it's hard not to. Naturally my prayers go out to the families of the victims....probably none of whom would be reading this angsty-as-hell fic.) To The Blue Sorceress, Kasumi-chan's the coolest! You don't have to thank me for putting her in this fic. And that's all I have to say on the subject. Oh, Showstopper! It's so nice to see you again after that train wreck of a fic called Abekobe no Madougu! (innocently I'm not plugging my own fics....of course not....) I wonder why everyone wants to see how I feel about on the subject of rape. I'm a girl, and I've seen the emotional and physical effects of it on a friend, what *am* I supposed to think? All I'm doing is writing a fic based on that...And to sacharine, this kind of fic is only challenging to write if you don't realize all the aspects of a subject like this. I seem to be forcing people to think about how this *could* happen to anyone, and I'm happy for that. I guess anything could happen nowadays, huh?  
  
See you for 4!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Turn On The Lights And Open Your Eyes

Shiawasena Owari Kata ch.4

Shiawasena Owari Katanantenai  
  
A Recca no Honoo fanfic  
By Tenshi no Ai  
  
I own this plot. Unfortunately, I do not own the characters in it.  
  
(A/N: Ah, yes, the wonderful world of spoilers. Spoilers for stuff...well, the end of the Mikagami/Meguri Kyoza fight's not even in vol. 30...um, spoilers for stuff that'll be in vol. 31? Oh, and I'm just guessing about Tendoujigoku's effects on Yanagi. I mean, Recca just entered the fight, so I don't know how it's gonna end up.)  
  
  


Ch. 4: Turn On The Light And Open Your Eyes (Realizations)  
(Yanagi, Mikagami and Kasumi's POV)  
  
  
  
(Yanagi's POV)  
  
  
My world is bright and full of life.  
  
It is a land teeming with the elements most special to me, but for some reason I cannot remember why. As I walk along the firm ground, savoring the feel of the grass tickling my bare feet, the wind dances around me playfully, blowing my hair up and around every which way. I can hear the furious gurgles of a nearby stream, and as I approach it, the flowing waters slow their descent into a more peaceful state. A sparkle catches my eye, and I dip my hand into the stream, delighting in the feel of the cool water, and pull out a small gold chunk. I rub it thoughtfully between my index and thumb, then gently place it into the pocket of my loose sun dress.  
  
But something is missing.   
  
A flash appears at the very corner of my vision. I turn quickly. A flame, aglow in yellows, oranges and especially passionate reds is only a couple of feet in front of me. I walk over to it and crouch down in front of it. Konnichiwa honoo-san, how are you today? My name is...  
  
Suddenly, the flame flares and I quickly turn away. There is no fear in my heart, just surprise.  
  
  
  
I turn around in mild shock. Is someone calling me?  
  
There is no flame now, but a man in its place.  
  
He grins down at me and holds out his hand. He looks like someone more intimately familiar to me than myself. I take it in gratitude, not at all afraid of this stranger in paradise. His hand is so warm. He pulls me up, with easy strength and a gentle manner, and I fall against his chest. He wraps his arms around me possessively and I snuggle up to him, seeking more of his warmth. It is almost like I am being embraced by all those beautiful warm feelings. It's like I am being held by love. I want to stay like this forever.  
  
Suddenly, everything is wrong.  
  
The stream stops running. The wind quells. The ground disappears. I am stripped of everything in this self-created heaven, including the sun dress that had covered my body.  
  
And I am so cold. So very cold.  
  
The arms that were once holding me in its comforting embrace now clutch at me angrily. The sun eclipses out, and I can't see. I can't see at all.  
  
But I can feel these arms. I can feel these hands. I can feel them on my body, these filthy caresses. I hear parodied whispers of love, and I try to escape, I try to so hard, but I'm too weak. I'm too weak and all I can do is flinch with every touch, every word.   
  
_You are mine_  
  
I try harder to move, to escape, to flee this heaven turned, but instead I am pushed down and into. My tears roll down my temples in time to my heaving cries of agony and desolation. I can hear those words again.  
  
_I've wanted you for so long_  
  
Finally the touch is no longer there, the violation ceases. But I can still hear him.   
  
_You belong to me_  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Mikagami's POV)  
  
  
The sun has set hours ago. I should probably turn on the light in my apartment, but I can't get up from my chair.   
  
The last time I did, it was to run into the bathroom and throw up.   
  
I lean back into my chair and sigh loudly. Real life says that I should try to not think about it right now and go to work. After all, I need to pay the rent for the apartment. The work is demeaning, lifting packages for a warehouse, but it was the only thing I could find that would still let me attend school full time.  
  
It was a job that Yanagi offered me at her otousan's company.  
  
Nausea turns my stomach, churning it painfully. I take deep breaths and wait for the urge to vomit again subside. Yanagi was my second reason that I fought alongside the Hokage. The first was Mifuyu, to avenge her. But after fighting Meguri Kyoza and finding out that he was not the real murderer before he died in my arms, there was nearly nothing left in me.   
  
Except for taking care of the Yanagi left behind after Tendoujigoku.  
  
I wanted to take care of her, and that lead to frequent visits to the Hanabishi household, as well as the Kirisawa home. Seeing everyone try, in their own way, to help her opened me almost fully to them. Although I won't admit it to them, I think that they've helped me almost has much as they've helped Yanagi.  
  
I reach into my jeans pocket and slowly pull out Ensui.  
  
I want to find that rapist. Maybe I'd let him live, unlikely, but if I do I'd make sure that he could never do this to another girl again.  
  
But who is he?  
  
That question has me in its grip and I can't figure it out at all. By the looks of it, it was probably just a coincidence that he even encountered Yanagi in the alley. The bruises and the broken arm indicate something a little different though. Like he wanted her there so much that he resorted to brute violence.  
  
But why?  
  
I close my eyes, then open them. I see the same thing. Nothing.  
  
There's a knock on my door. I don't recall anyone saying they were going to come to my place. It's probably one of the Hokage, wanting to talk about this.   
  
I don't want to talk about it. I've thought about it enough.   
  
Another knock that I don't respond to, and then I hear footsteps walking away. Good. It must've been someone lost, or someone with respect, like Kagerou-san.   
  
Then the door is blown off the hinges, landing with a thud inside my apartment. And a familiar figure, holding an arm out towards the doorway, is seen.  
  
Kirisawa Fuuko.  
  
I should've known that she would've come here. Hey, Mi-chan, you in here? She steps inside, and my eyes follow her. She reaches for the light switch.  
  
I don't want that brightness to infiltrate my thoughts.  
  
Don't turn on that light, my voice sounds in the darkness, what do you want, Fuuko?  
  
She seems startled by the way she steps back, but then she walks forward again. I just wanted to see if you were still here, she seems to pause for a second, I wanted to see if you're doing what Recca's doing.  
  
The bile rises in my stomach, not because of the name. Right now I don't blame him. Maybe when I can think of something more than revenge then I'll decide what to do with him.   
  
But first I'll kill the one who directly caused Yanagi to suffer again.   
  
And what is he doing?  
  
What do you think? She asks, almost bitterly. He's going to find whoever dared to violate his precious hime, and he's going to kill them, she pauses again, and then her bitterness is more apparent, but we won't be able to find him!  
  
I grow still at this sudden exclamation. It isn't impossible. We'll find him sooner or later.  
  
Her laughter is unusually harsh against my ears. Just like Mifuyu's killers, right? Seven years of your life devoted to finding the people who murdered your dear Oneesan, she slams her hands down on the arm rests of my chair and glares down at me, oh, but too bad they were dead the whole fucking time. What does that say about your seven years of nurturing revenge?  
  
I say nothing.   
  
And now Yanagi. Yeah, I wanna flay them and leave em to bleed, but what's that going to do for Yanagi? You and Recca just don't seem to get it! Whatcha gonna do Mi-chan, dress up like a girl, inhabit all the dark alleys at night and wait for someone with blood on their dick? She leans in, her tone growing more dangerous and desperate. And while you do that, me, Domon and Kaoru can go and watch as Yanagi slowly deteriorates. Since it's you and Recca hunting for the rapist, I'll give you five years. Course, by that time Yanagi'll be some husk of who she was. Having your fiancé and your honorary' aniki focusing more on the guy who did you instead of you would do that to anyone.  
  
I look at her, her features highlighted by the moonlight. I can see the tears glittering in her eyes, but her face is firm with resolve. I'm curious by what she's saying. So then, what should we do about the rapist?  
  
I barely take a breath before I am pulled out of my chair. What should we do about...? Mi-bou, how much more colder could you be?! We should be there for Yanagi! We should be there for her because....because.... and then she breaks down, sobbing against my chest.  
  
We stand like that for a timeless second. I do not wrap my arms around her, or comfort her in any way.   
  
I don't want to share in her pain when I already have my own.  
  
Cold, cold Mikagami, she murmurs. I stare ahead, not attempting to look down, to refute her with a glare or touch or word. If we aren't there for her, if we don't reach out to her and let her know that she still has us, what do you think will happen? When she wakes up she's going to be so vulnerable. She's going to need us. She's going to need Recca.  
  
I nearly agree. I understand her words, but I don't understand their meaning. The only other time I can relate to now was when Mifuyu had died. I had only thought about revenge, to kill whoever had taken my oneesan away from me.  
  
But then again, Yanagi is not dead.   
  
She's alive, and she's going to wake up knowing that she was raped. She's going to know that for the rest of her life.  
  
I didn't think about that before.  
  
Fuuko pushes me away, her moment of weakness apparently over. I'm going to visit Kaoru now. I've already talked to Domon. He knows that intern. He'll call us as soon as she tells him that Yanagi's awake. He'll make sure that we can visit Yanagi as soon as possible, she walks over to the doorway and I can see her hand poised near the light switch, we'll all have to stick together, closer than before.  
  
She flips the switch casually, and I am overwhelmed by light and her last words.  
  
_We'll all have to stick together._  
  
I've never thought of that before.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Yanagi's POV)  
  
It is white when I open my eyes. There is only white above me.   
  
Then everything focuses.  
  
beep...beep...beep...  
  
Very slowly I turn my head to where that weird sound is coming from. It's almost like my heart is beating in tune with that noise.  
  
...beep...beep...beep...  
  
This is all familiar to me. Why? Why? Because....because...  
  
My okaasan's a nurse in a hospital.   
  
I must be in a hospital.  
  
Why?  
  
wheesh...whoo...wheesh...whoo...  
  
My breathing raggedly drags out, and it makes a funny noise every time I inhale and exhale. I cross my eyes and see something covering my nose and mouth area. Weird...a respirator? Carefully, I flex the fingers of my right hand. I can feel the joints of my fingers bend to life, feeling each one of them pop. I try to raise my arm up, but it doesn't seem to work. I try the same for my left hand, but I can't feel anything.   
  
How weird.  
  
Hands seem to come from nowhere and pull the breathing mask off my face. I gulp in my first breaths of air, wincing with each inhalation through my nose. The sting of antiseptics always gets to me.  
  
Eto, are you okay? A tinny voice buzzes in my ear. I try to raise my head up to see who is this person talking to me, but at the large crack! my neck makes, I stop moving and settle for staring at the white ceiling.  
  
my voice box trembles. I'd hate for the kind person to worry about me if I didn't respond in some way. I want to say more, but the walls of my throat rub painfully together. Cool hands hold the back of my neck and my stomach, pushing me to a sitting position against the back of the bed. I feel the cold touch of glass against my dry lips, and I gratefully open them. The cold, cold liquid splashes into my mouth, tasting as wondrous as a lover's kiss until it drops like a stone down into my stomach. So refreshing, like I haven't tasted water in days. Feeling rejuvenated, I slowly turn my head towards the direction where the hands had come from earlier.  
  
A girl stares at me. Her emerald eyes stare at me so inquisitively. Her hair falls messily to her shoulders. It's like...caramel over chocolate? Yes, her hair's almost blonde to her eyes, but then it's dark brown to her shoulders. How odd. Can you talk now? her voice trembles out, and I notice the glass of water in her hands.  
  
I try. W-who are you?  
  
Her mouth moves, but no words come out. I can still make them out. She thought it was a weird question. My name is Heiwake Kasumi. I'm a 2nd year college student. I usually just work in the front with the computer, but...  
  
I don't think I know her from anywhere.   
  
I felt compelled to come up here. I didn't think that you'd wake up, she sighs wearily, I suppose you want me to tell you what happened to you?  
  
That...that sounded almost rude. If you don't want to, I don't mind, I look away and see that my left arm is in a cast, I don't think I want to know.  
  
Thank you, she whispers. Suddenly I feel wetness on my bare right arm, and the shattering of glass. oh, I'm sorry, I think she said, but an overwhelming sensation tumbles over me right then.  
  
Water...splashing onto me.   
  
The pain, the pain...  
  
Being so cold, lying in the puddles...  
  
Water...  
  
Darkness...  
  
Alley.  
  
Oh no.  
  
Pain.  
  
  
  
Pain.  
  
  
  
Pain.  
  
  
  
Arm.  
  
It's not...  
  
Face.   
  
I-i-it's not...  
  
There.  
  
NO.  
  
I try to grasp thick gobs of air into my lungs, but there's this other feeling pushing up through my stomach. Retching, sobs wracking through my body, tears running down my face in rivulets, I remember what happened to me. The reason why I'm in this hospital. Convulsing, shaking, I can't stop the memories. Utter darkness. The smell of his cologne as he leaned in. His touch. His touch. His touch.  
  
His words.  
  
_You belong to me_  
  
Through the murky depths of my realizations, I hear footsteps. I feel a needle entering my arm.   
  
And there is the darkness again.  
  
But it isn't like when I was....  
  
NO.  
  
In here the man of flame will hold me forever.  
  
Right?  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Kasumi's POV)   
  
I murmur. My aunt, the head nurse of this hospital, turns and looks down at me, the syringe in her right hand.   
  
Kasumi, what're you doing here? I guess she didn't notice that I was the one who pushed the button to call her here. She only notices me sometimes.  
  
She's a friend of someone....close to me, I croak out, my breathing almost back to normal from that scare. I wouldn't dare tell her why I was really here. That I had felt so bad about telling Yanagi-san's friends her classified information that I wanted to...I don't know. Apologize in person, I guess.  
  
What did you do? Obasan very nearly growls out at me, and I try not to feel hurt by her tone of voice. With everything I've done in the last couple of hours, she'd probably send me back home, telling my parents how much of a failure I was. Not even in medical school and already messing up the hospital and their patients.  
  
I, um, was talking to her and then I accidentally dropped the glass of water on her, I point to the glass shards next to her feet, please be careful where you step, obasan.  
  
Obasan silently puts the syringe down on the table next to the bed and places her head in her hands. Kasumi, the girl was found in a bunch of puddles in an alley. What you did was trigger those memories. The girl was suffering from traumatic shock as a result of the pain from her broken arm and the rape, remember. Feeling water splashed onto her most likely brought back the scene for her.  
  
But Obasan, I plead, she was awake and talking...!  
  
And did she know what had happened to her? Dld she indicate in any way that she knew?  
  
My eyes drift away from Obasan's almost harsh face to the glass near her feet. She asked me what my name was, and then she said...she said that she didn't mind not knowing what had happened to her! I begin crying, tears rolling down my cheeks.  
  
I told her what had happened to her, even though I didn't mean to...!  
  
A heavy sigh, and then my aunt crouches down in front of me. Her hazel eyes have taken on a more focused look. Kasumi, since you know Sakoshita-san, I'm going to have you look after her, okay? She smiles a little. This'll be good practice when you do hands-on work later on in medical school, okay?  
  
I unsurely mutter, what do you...?  
  
Since she's seen you, she'll trust you. The only reason why's she here is because of her arm. Just comfort her until she's discharged, she pulls out a bottle of pills from her nurses' outfit pocket, every time she gets like this, give her these. They're tranquilizers. She'll fall asleep and she won't be as tortured. Okay?  
  
Obasan drops the bottle into my hands, then leaves. I stand, staring at the bottle filled with the colored dots.   
  
I hear moaning and a strangled voice calling out from the bed. My eyes fill with tears again as I make out what she's calling for.  
  
Oh, Obasan, she won't be tortured when she takes these?  
  
Then why is she calling out for her Recca-kun' right now?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
I've noticed that a lot of people are feeling sorry for Kaoru. You can thank my friend Karen for telling me that she wanted to hear from Kaoru. Personally, I kinda forgot about him, and it only took me bout 5-10 minutes to write up his part anyway. Ah, everyone likes Kaoru-kun, so I tried to do him justice. Hope I succeeded.  
  
Sorry for the things that Fuuko says. It may be surprising, but I try to make some sort of point with everything I write in this story. Okay, the blood thing was vulgar though, and I apologize. But it's staying.  
  
Let's thank people! Like rhiannon, for instance! I don't know about great fic' or writ[ing] the characters very well', but I try to do justice to Anzai-sensei's characters, as well as the topic and my own memories. Thank you very much though! The Blue Sorceress-san, thank you for another kind review! Believe me, I'm really trying on the realism bit. My favorite thing to write in any fic are the emotions the charas might be having in any given situation....I kinda hope that's what people are expecting from me, cause I can't write much else! To ice blue eyes, have you reviewed something of mine before? I swear I've seen that name on another fic's review...ah well. I'm trying to continue as fast as possible, but even with the notes I have regarding each chapter, it's hard to write up each chapter. Do you know how many rewrites this chapter went through? And I know it's nowhere near perfect. To kim, getting interesting'? After this chapter, everything goes by real fast, so I apologize for the slow pace of the chapters before. (According to the timeframe of the series, Shiawasena takes place over a course of 6 days.) But it's nice to see you again! And dear, kind Showstopper, that was truly a compliment. I hope to get everyone who's reading this crying by the last chapters, or at least really, really depressed.   
  
All reviews, all readers of Shiawasena compliment me by just reading this, and I hope that I really get you thinking with this story. Thank you.  
  
Revised on Friday morning, 3:50 AM PST: I love opinions. I honestly really like all the feedback that I've gotten on this fic, and not just because it's all been positive. But I do not like flames, or things resembling flames. For someone named Peace Anime', you don't sound very peaceful. Yeah, I can understand why you don't like the first chapter. A lot of people wouldn't. That's why there was a WARNING on the top of the chapter. Next time, try reading all the chapters posted up first, not read the first chapter, decide you hate it with every fiber of your being, and reviewing and yelling at ME about it. I know I've already emailed you about it, but this is for the record. Thank you.  
  
See you for 5! (I'm past the halfway mark of this fic series!)  
  
  
  



	5. Touch

Shiawasena Owari Kata ch.5

Shiawasena Owari Katanantenai  
  
A Recca no Honoo fanfic  
By Tenshi no Ai  
  
I don't own Recca no Honoo. I'm just enslaving the characters for my own personal use.  
  
  


Ch. 5: Touch  
(Recca, Yanagi and Fuuko's POV)  
  
  
(Recca's POV)  
  
It's early Tuesday morning when I walk in into my house, stepping out of my sneakers and tugging off my shirt. First thing's going to be a quick shower, then a nap, then I'm outta here again.  
  
He's still out there.  
  
A sudden flash, and something golden and pointy touches the tip of my nose. I look down at Koganei. He's glaring at me with tears in his eyes. "What; the hell's your problem? I growl. He points the bladed end of Kougan Anki at me.  
  
Why didn't you tell us about Yanagi-chan, Recca-niichan?  
  
I freeze. It's my problem. Actually, I forgot about them. He hurt Hime.  
  
And that's all anyone can really say about it, right? No one touches a hime without her ninja's permission.   
  
They do, they die.   
  
Koganei smirks, and then a blunt object smashes into my stomach. Shit....that hurt. Bent over, arms protectively around my stomach, I look up and into glaring face a few feet away from mine. who the hell d'you think we are, Recca-niichan! We're her friends too! We care about Yanagi-chan just like you do! He walks right up to me, holding out the blunt end of Kougan Anki's first face diagonally in front of him. We all want to help Yanagi-chan too!   
  
I don't need this. Straightening up, I start to walk around him, and then I see the blunt end of Kougan Anki rushing towards my face. I grab it and wrench it out of his grasp, throwing it aside. The madougu clatters off somewhere as we glare at each other, going into fighting positions.  
  
I'm just so sick of everything right now.  
  
  
  
Kaachan appears at my side and places her hands on my left arm. I state, relaxing a little.   
  
she seems a little unsure of herself right now, I wish you'd stay home for more than a few hours. This...this isn't a very good idea to pursue right now.  
  
I spin around and face her. So what am I supposed to do, Kaachan! Yanagi-hime's in the hospital right now and it's my fault! I'm supposed to protect her! I'm supposed to-  
  
Not your fault, Koganei's voice trembles out, I was with her! I should've walked with her, but I was thinking about that stupid school project and...  
  
Kaachan walks in front of me, and then there's this stinging feeling as my head jerks to the side. Seconds later, I hear a smacking noise.   
  
I say, holding my cheek.  
  
Koganei murmurs.  
  
Kaachan stares at us, her right hand upraised. Gomenasai, but you aren't helping matters at all. Do you think that blaming yourselves is going to help Yanagi? Will it change anything that's happened every since Saturday night?  
  
What...?  
  
I understand why you both blame yourselves. I feel like I also have some fault in this as well. But you must also understand this. _It is something that just happened_. Yanagi will be blaming herself. Not you two, or Fuuko-chan, or Mikagami-kun, or Domon-kun. Herself, Kaachan pauses, she doesn't need this aura of self-pity hovering over her friends. She needs her friends to be there, she looks at me oddly, especially you, my son.  
  
I look away. Gomen, Kaachan. Gomen. But I can't...  
  
I don't deserve to even look at my precious hime. Not after this. I have to find him first before I even have a chance of redeeming myself in Hime's eyes.  
  
And even then, would I...?  
  
The phone rings, and Koganei goes to pick it up. Moshi moshi, Hanabishi household. Fuuko-neechan? Yeah. Yeah. Sure. What time? No. Yeah. Thanks, Fuuko-neechan. Yeah, I don't care. Hm? Oh, yeah, he's here too. Sure. Bye bye, he drops the receiver and looks at Kaachan, Fuuko-neechan said that Domon-niichan got a call from his friend, that girl that works at the hospital, and she said that Yanagi-chan's out of her coma with no problems. We can visit tonight at 6 or so.  
  
I see, Kaachan almost has a smile on her face, what else did she say?  
  
Oh, yeah, Koganei scratches his head, she wanted to know if I was going to school today or not, and she also wanted to know if Recca-niichan was here. That reminds me, he walks up to me, and Fuuko-neechan said that if you didn't come with all of us tonight to see Yanagi-chan you'd probably make Yanagi-chan cry.  
  
I say nothing. Do I even deserve to look at Hime before I'm done?  
  
I want to say no, but I want to look at her right now. I want her to tell me what's going on in her mind right now.   
  
I want to know if she blames me.  
  
I almost want her to say that she doesn't.  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Yanagi's POV)  
  
The tears won't stop. They just won't. One after another they leak out of my eyes, roll down my cheeks, and spatter on my hands, my hospital gown, my blanket.  
  
My parents have just visited me.  
  
a voice creeps out by my side. I sloppily wipe my eyes with the back of my useable hand and turn to Kasumi-san. She hands me some tissues and I start blowing my nose. How was the visit?  
  
I don't know, I whisper into the tissue, we didn't talk much. Okaasan was crying and Otousan was trying to comfort her and then I started to cry and.... I try to continue, but the tears are clouding my vision again.  
  
I didn't want my family and friends to know. I didn't want them to know how filthy, how dirty I am now.  
  
Diseased. Poisoned. Trash. Everywhere he touched has burned my skin like a personal brand.  
  
If Recca knew...what would he say?   
  
I don't want him to find out. I don't want to infect anyone else with that man's touch. Recca deserves a girl that hasn't been polluted.   
  
He lives in me. I know this. Even if the medical records say otherwise, something's still in me.  
  
I wouldn't let Okaasan hug me, but I want her here so much right now. I want her to hug me and tell me that everything's going to be okay and that she'll always be there for me no matter what happens to me...I want to just cry and cry and cry in Recca's arms as well...  
  
But I can't.  
  
I'm dirty.  
  
I'm diseased.  
  
I don't deserve them.  
  
This is all I can think about.   
  
It's the only thing I'll ever be able to think about again.   
  
  
  
Wearily, I look up at Kasumi-san. She's so nice to me. She's very quiet and a good listener.  
  
And she doesn't try to touch me.  
  
Yes, Kasumi-san?   
  
She holds out the pills to me. Those wonderful pills that let me go into my beautiful wonderland where I'm not this filthy creature that I am now. In my wonderland everything is fresh and nice and clean. There, in my wonderland, Recca is there and he always holds me, just like in the days before....that.  
  
It'll never happen again. He'll find out and he'll never want to touch me again. He'll look at me and see some disgusting...girl...who was so stupid to go through an alley at night, who was so weak that she couldn't even open her eyes as she lay in the dirty puddles in the alley...  
  
I reach for the pills and follow that with water.  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Fuuko's POV)  
  
As we walk inside the hospital, there's this uncomfortable churning in my stomach. I couldn't eat anything last night, this morning, this afternoon...haven't eaten since yesterday morning, really. Didn't go to school today either. I just sat in my room and cried. Kaasan tried to comfort me, but she doesn't know. She just doesn't understand how I could possibly feel right now.  
  
Kaoru walks in step with me. We're behind everyone else. Domon's in the lead cause it's his friend that's gonna lead us to Yanagi. Kagerou-san and Recca follow close behind, and Mi-chan's a step behind them.   
  
Despite last night, I'm not too angry at Mi-chan and Recca's way of thinking. The more I think about it, the more I want to kill. But I'm sticking by my words. I'm annoyed by Mi-chan's coolness to the situation, but I can tell...I can tell that he's as hurt as the rest of us.  
  
But no one can match emotions that I saw in Recca's face when I saw him earlier.  
  
Kaoru says quietly, almost uncertainly. I look over at him and the dried tear marks on his face. I was wondering...what're you thinking right now?  
  
My eyes close as a sigh escapes. I...I don't know? It's like...it's like a jumble. Just this horrid jumble of feelings and thoughts of what I want to do and what I should do, I tilt my head at him, what about you?  
  
Same here, he whispers, then coughs. Everybody in front quickly turns around and looks at us before returning to their thoughts. his hazel-green eyes begin to shine with new tears. I reach out and squeeze his hand, trying to be comforting. I'm not too good at that.   
  
I'm not like Yanagi.  
  
That girl, the one that Domon knows, approaches him. Eto...Yanagi-san's parents allowed you all to visit her for half an hour. I can hold off the nurses for an additional ten minutes if you like?  
  
Domon seems taken aback. Well, um, I guess...  
  
That's fine, neechan, Kaoru says, sounding a little stronger now. She looks over at him, then nods in reply. We follow her into an elevator, riding it up to the 7th floor. Nobody dares to say anything. The nervous feeling in my stomach grows. It's only a Tuesday night, so I guess it wasn't real busy or anything cause no one else enters our little elevator. We walk out when the doors open and stroll briskly through corridors and around corners until we reach a door.  
  
The kanji on it says Private room. Sakoshita Yanagi.'  
  
I'm shaking. No one else looks much better. The girl opens the door and we shuffle inside.  
  
There's a figure on the bed.  
  
Yanagi is beautiful when she has a blank expression on her face. I mean, she's pretty all the time, but when she has an emotionless expression, she has this cold, stately beauty. Kinda like Mi-chan, actually. I've only seen Yanagi with this sort of queenly presence one time, and that was when she lost her memories and we had been in the very center of SODOM. Even though she was in a little white halter nightgown slip, she still looked so....mature, so regal.  
  
But she also looked dead.  
  
That's what she looks like right now, lying in the hospital bed with her left arm in a cast and the blanket all tucked up to the collarbone with little peeks of the hospital gown covering her shoulders, her eyes closed and her hair spread on her pillow.  
  
She looks dead.  
  
the girl speaks again, bringing me out of my daze, I don't know if she'll wake up while you're here. Please don't wake her up yourself, she's still coping with shock. I'll leave you all alone, she walks towards the door, then turns around and faces us again. Her thin lips shifts into a sad smile. She'll be very happy to see you all, and with that she slips out of the room.  
  
I walk over to the left side of the bed, everyone else making similar motions. Recca, more hesitant than the rest of us, sits down at a chair at Yanagi's right side.  
  
I watch as her chest rises and falls slightly and thank all the kami out there for every motion.  
  
Recca tentatively reaches over with his right hand, his Tekkou catching the light of the room and reflecting in my eyes for a second. I blink.  
  
His fingers, calloused and roughened by all the battles he had fought to keep her safe, softly brushes away some stray strands of hair from her face.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Yanagi's POV)  
  
In my wonderful world, there is nothing that can disturb us. The stream's cooing gurgles are a melody to my ears. The breeze caresses my skin, causing goosebumps. My love hugs me tighter to keep me warm.   
  
Recca is so sweet to me.  
  
I only belong to him. No one else but him.  
  
And suddenly he's gone again. It's all gone again.  
  
Then rough fingers touch my face.  
  
Those fingers.  
  
That touch.  
  
He's touching me again.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Fuuko's POV)  
  
YAAAHHH!! NO! PLEASE! STAY AWAY!! PLEASE!!  
  
My head snaps up at hearing Yanagi's screams. Her good arm is flailing around and she's twisting and turning around in the bed, screaming. I don't say anything, I just move. I run around the bed, shove away the shocked Recca, and hug her, cradle her against my chest. She screams louder, eyes closed and tears still managing to run down her face in rivulets. I hold her to me tighter, trying my best to comfort her. Yanagi-chan, Yanagi-chan, don't worry, this is Fuuko-chan, just Fuuko-chan, please just open your eyes, there's nothing here that will hurt you, we're all here for you Yanagi-chan...  
  
Her eyes snap open and she stares up at me. Kami-sama, Fuuko-chan, he was... and she buries her face into my chest again. He was touching me... she whispers.  
  
I calmly ask, that wasn't anyone dangerous, that was...  
  
A glimmer of a hideous thought sparks up in my mind, but I savagely put it out. It doesn't make any sense anyway.  
  
Suddenly she springs upright and we are face to face. she murmurs, then slowly looks around, seeing everyone else.   
  
With surprising strength she pushes me away.  
  
Recca slowly walks over to her, his entire demeanor meek. He reaches for her, to hold her and comfort her with his presence.  
  
But she flinches and turns away.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Yo, sorry I couldn't get this chapter out earlier. It went through a lot of rewrites, and then there's school and applying for college...I almost wanna be a freshman again...  
  
Karen-chan, thanks a lot for that review. I had a silly grin on my face after reading it. Yeah, you had to endure my moaning and whining about those reviews over AIM, and I'm sorry. I'm very happy about the recent news for you though...that is *very* cool.   
  
Rhiannon (that's such a pretty name! Is it your name, or a name you wished you had?), I don't intend on stopping this story until after the conclusion. And then there might be a sequel, who knows? And Kasumi's the coolest, but I think I'm the only one that's saying that. grins widely That's really something if you think she seems like the perfect character to add to the story', cause I don't know if she's in character or not! She in only two chapters out of the 30 volumes (and the second time was just a picture, not like she was talking), so it's more my tweaking her personality than anything.   
  
Sacharine (blinks And is that your name, or just one you want?), well! I would hope that this was an emotionally moving piece of work', or else I would quit writing! Hm, hey now, I can only write so fast...and it may not seem like it, but I do have a life and homework, although not necessarily in that order. But I'll try to be a little quicker, okay?  
  
Peace Anime...what? I don't understand what you're talking about.   
  
Showstopper....eheh, sorry. I just knew that someone was going to comment on that. Thanks for understanding *why* I wrote that though! ^_^  
  
Luna Crescent...okay, now that's on my list of really interesting and cool author{ess}'s names I wished I had come up with'. (Basically anyone that I asked how they came up with that name is on my list...so it's not very exclusive. I get amused easily). Anyway, are you a friend of The Blue Sorceress or something? Kinda funny to know that my fic was getting referred to by other author{ess'}s. Let's see...'lemme at the bastard who has inflicted pain on my fav charas'? pained look Well, wouldn't that be me, since I'm the one who's writing this fic?  
  
Omigoddess, it's Hoowee-chan! Hoowee, Hoowee, Hoowee, I missed you so much! Now start making commentary! :P (Oh no, now she's going to hit me with the Hurry Up Stick'!)  
  
And one more question. Where are the following people: ReccaGirl and SaiyanGirlGenius? I'm really not sure about SGG, since the last time I saw a review from her was in, like, ch. 15 of Abekobe, but I know that ReccaGirl's still out there! C'mon, you're the person who's reviewed _every single FOR fic I've ever written_. And that means *every* chapter. (I get too worried for my own good. I mean, this's the Internet! But I still care.)  
  
Wow, 6 is coming up! Could it be...the chapter before the climax?   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Talk

Shiawasena Owari Katanantenai  
  
A Recca no Honoo fanfic  
By Tenshi no Ai  
  
If I wrote that I owned Recca no Honoo, would I get sued immediately or what? Thank goodness it's only an if' type of question...  
  
  


Ch. 6: Talk  
(Fuuko, Mikagami, Domon's POV)  
  
  
(Fuuko's POV)  
  
Another day gone, another day ditched. Once again I stay in my room, remembering what happened last night. Watching Yanagi sleep. Seeing Recca tenderly touching her cheek. Her outburst. My trying to calm her down. Then her pushing me away, and when Recca tries to comfort her, she won't even look at him.   
  
She flinched away from her love with her whole body.  
  
What could we do? Recca was the first to leave, muttering something about how he had to find the rapist for his hime's sake. I almost joined him right then.  
  
What happened to Yanagi, what twisted her mind into running away from us? I mean, I know that rape...is more than a physical act of violence. But...why would she turn away from us? We're her friends.   
  
Doesn't she know that by now?  
  
I'm just so confused.  
  
And all I can seem to do is nothing.  
  
Kaasan's voice sounds from the other side of the door. Fuuko, please open the door. You haven't eaten for awhile.  
  
I say nothing.  
  
Kaasan's voice hardens now, I want to talk to you.  
  
I nearly mumble out. The doorknob rattles and I nonchalantly wave my right hand at it. By using the available wind in the room, I can keep the door closed by applying equal pressure to the door as Kaasan's efforts to open it. I've honed my powers just as long as Recca has with his flames, although I don't know how long he's known that he can create fire. Well, I have skill too.  
  
Please, Fuuko, open the door! Kaasan's voice is desperate, and I feel bad that I'm worrying her like this.  
  
Somehow, I think that Yanagi treated her parents just like I'm treating Kaasan right now.  
  
Do I want to alienate from my family and friends though?  
  
Gomen, Kaasan, I say loudly, and the rattling of the doorknob stops. I stop concentrating with Fuujin, and instead walk over to the door and open it. Kaasan stands in front of me, her short black hair messily arranged, tears leaking out of her eyes. We have the same eyes, I realize.  
  
she whispers, and it sounds like a dangerous rumble of thunder, do you think that sitting here and starving yourself is going to do anything?  
  
What?   
  
Honestly, I thought I raised you better than that, she looks at me curiously, when have you been meek about anything? I don't really know why you're in your room, crying of all things, but is that all you're going to do?   
  
Y'see, Kaasan and I don't have much of a huggy-feely kind of relationship. We're just cool with each other. If I tell her to leave me alone, that's what she'll do. She gave me that cell phone just to make sure that I don't disappear for days at a time, but she's not overly worried about me. It's rare when she tells me something like this up front. We don't have confrontations.  
  
  
  
She closes her eyes and shakes her head slowly. Raising you and your oniisan was like raising two boys. You both have never come to me about anything, you just go on your own way. And now he's somewhere with his band, and I'm lucky if I ever receive a postcard. I'm worried for him, of course, but I do know that he can take care of himself, she opens her eyes and looks at me sadly, and just when I expect the same thing of you, I see you holed up in your room looking like the world's just ended.  
  
With the exception of Ganko-chan, I'm not used to raising girls and comforting them through their problems.  
  
I smirk bitterly. Thanks, Kaasan. You're right, y'know? When have I, Kirisawa Fuuko, ever just sat around and did nothing? I sigh, then I start walking past her.  
  
Where are you going, Fuuko? This is said with some alarm, and now I feel worse for scaring my mom.  
  
Don't worry, Kaasan, I say, not turning around, I just...it's something I have to find out for myself. I'll be back soon, okay?  
  
her voice is hesitant, you don't have to tell me what happened to your friend, but will you tell Ganko? She's been worried too, but she wants to know *what* happened as well.  
  
Oh. Yeah. I forgot about Ganko-chan. But...  
  
How am I supposed to tell a 12-year-old that one of our closest friends was raped?  
  
Yeah, sure Kaasan, I say out loud, I'll be home late, okay?  
  
I briskly walk out of my house and make my way to the hospital. More and more, I don't feel like crying. I have a purpose. I want to find out if Yanagi blames us, if she hates us. I don't think I could blame her if she did, y'know?  
  
But I'm sick of crying.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Mikagami's POV)  
  
  
I wonder why I let myself care.  
  
Bzz  
  
Or, maybe I don't care enough.  
  
Bzz  
  
The door swings open and Koganei Kaoru stares at me inside the warmth of his home. He asks, confusedly. I almost smile in wretched bemusement at his bewildered expression.   
  
However much I care, I don't visit under the most extreme circumstances.  
  
You were expecting Fuuko? I ask. Going around door to door is more her type of business. And one day I'll make it her business to fix my door, considering her policy of handling people who pretend not to be home.  
  
Koganei shrugs. Wasn't expecting anyone, he steps outside and closes the door behind him, haven't seen Recca-niichan since last night either.  
  
I don't care about him, I care about Yanagi.  
  
Why did Yanagi flinch away from Hanabishi like that?  
  
Are you going to the hospital? I ask, and he shakes his head once, why not?  
  
the boy, the first of the Hokage that I truly respected on the battlefield, looks anguished, if she doesn't even want to look at Recca-niichan, she really won't want to talk to me.  
  
  
  
Come on, Mikagami-niichan! He suddenly whirls on me, eyes flaring as he uses the name he used to call me before he became very comfortable with me. Yanagi-chan probably hates all of us! Because of the stupidest mistake, I...  
  
I turn away. If all you're going to do is blame yourself, you might as well not care at all. At least do something for Yanagi-san's sake.  
  
We can't change the past, so we might as well make the best we can of the future.   
  
I learned that one from Mifuyu.  
  
Yeah, but I can't help it. I see her smile on the tape, and then I remember last night and I'm wondering: Which is the real Yanagi now?'  
  
I take a couple of steps, then stop.   
  
Koganei walks up the front of me and beams. Kougan Anki Productions presents: Yanagi-chan no Interview! His face becomes clouded over again. She really looks so alive and happy in it, especially when she's talking about us and Recca-niichan. Sometime you'll have to watch it. It's... he stops and sighs, it's our Yanagi-chan.  
  
I walk away, mulling it over. I want to see this video of our' Yanagi.  
  
First I'll see who the Yanagi at the hospital is.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Fuuko's POV)  
  
The sunlight hits my eyes as I walk up to the hospital. And looking at my watch, it's no wonder. It's 6 in the evening in July.   
  
Y'know, Recca's birthday is in another week or so. And mine's the week after.  
  
Some timing.  
  
The doors slide open automatically and I walk in, looking around for Domon's intern friend so she can let me visit. And when I see her, I scratch my head in confusion. She's next to the elevator doors, talking with Domon.  
  
Wow, good for him. I feel kinda odd seeing him all interested-looking in some girl that's not me, but at least he finally got the hint. Hey, Domon, I say conversationally as I walk up to them, why don't you introduce me to your girlfriend?  
  
The chibi girl blushes and looks down. How cute, she acts like Yanagi used to when I'd mention Recca around her. Domon looks at me oddly. Girlfriend? Nah, this is Kasumi-chan. We had the same class in high school an' she used to tutor me, he smiles at Kasumi and gestures to me, y'see, Kasumi-chan, my love realized that I was here and she came after me...  
  
I groan. Bakayarou doesn't realize that you just don't say those kind of things around another girl. The Kasumi-girl nods attentively, smiling a bit. But, y'know, she doesn't really look as happy as she did before I came by. Baka, I came here cause I wanted to talk to Yanagi, I look over at Kasumi, mind if I talk to her for ten minutes or so?   
  
So Kasumi takes only me up to Yanagi's room because she felt that taking the both of us would overload Yanagi's mind right now. We walk in, and this time Yanagi's wide awake and looking at her useless arm. Kasumi walks right up to the bed while I stay by the door. Yanagi-san, you're awake for once? That's good. Is there anything you would like right now?  
  
No, thank you. This was said softly, with no emotion. Kasumi nods, and I take that as a clue to go over to the bed myself. her eyes flicker at me, then at Kasumi, who nods again and leaves.  
  
I try to sound strong, how are you feeling?  
  
Dully, Yanagi goes back to staring at her cast. Not well.  
  
What do I say next? Should I apologize for leaving her alone, or promise to find the rapist, or promise to find Recca immediately and bring him to her? What can I say to her?  
  
I'm so sorry. I should've walked you home, it's all my fau-  
  
  
  
I stop trying to form the thoughts in my head into words.   
  
It's my fault. I was the one who chose to go into that alley, I was the one who was too weak to fight back, I'm the stupid one! I can see the tears form in her eyes as she continues to stare at her cast, I'm stupid! I'm worthless and dirty! I don't deserve your kindness, or Kasumi-san's, or especially Recca's! I'm dirty and filthy and I don't deserve any of this! Why wasn't I left in that alley to die? She looks up at me, tears making their way down her face, I should've been left there because I'm as dirty as that alley...!  
  
Shut up! I lunge towards Yanagi, my hands grasping her shoulders. I can feel the heat of her body through the flimsy hospital gown. How can you talk about yourself like that?! You're not dirty, you're not! And we will NOT stop caring about you! With all the shit we've gone through together, d'you think we're gonna write you off just because of this? I shake her, desperate for her to understand, aren't we friends? Don't friends stick together? No matter what, right? Right?  
  
She starts crying loudly. But it hurts so much, Fuuko-chan. It hurts so much and I just want to be in my mystical wonderland where everything's okay, everything's okay and there's no hurt at all, where Recca-kun is and there's just the two of us. But then I wake up and it hurts, and I'm dirty and I'll never be who I used to be ever again. I'll never be me again, because I used to be clean and pure, and now I'm not because...  
  
As her words dissipate into sobs, I bring my arms around her shoulders and hug her against my chest, my body trembling with each sob she emits. I close my eyes, remembering the last three years, seeing how cheerful and innocent she was...she was...  
  
And then I felt his touch yesterday. He's coming after me, Fuuko-chan, he's coming after me and he's going to touch me again, he's going to put his hands on me and all that's going to be left is the hurting...  
  
I shake my head, confused.   
  
She pulls away from me slightly and nods frightfully. Yes, he was touching my face and I knew that the next thing he was going to do was grasp my face and make sure I couldn't scream, and then he would... she looks away, he would hurt me again.  
  
That horrible feeling that I had yesterday, when Yanagi was crying and I was trying to comfort her, is back. Why, oh why would this bother me so much...  
  
And his fingers are rough, they're calloused and I can feel them again, one on my face, the other one touching my body, I can feel them...  
  
Kami-sama, this is so odd...  
  
The door creaks open and my body is automatically alert for battle. It's only Kasumi though. I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave now. It's already been twenty minutes.  
  
I say, hugging Yanagi extra-tight for a couple of seconds before letting her go completely, I'll come back tomorrow, okay?  
  
Yanagi nods. I should be getting discharged by tomorrow though. My parents kept me here longer just in case...just for the security, she looks at my face for the first time during this visit, we are friends. We are very good friends.  
  
I smile and walk over out the door, closing it softly. My smile drops as the door clicks.  
  
I know.  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Mikagami's POV)  
  
I stride into the hospital and past the gorilla in the lobby. A maddening feeling is urging me to go to Yanagi, to talk to her. There's something here that I need to figure out, for my own peace.   
  
Yanagi. Hanabishi. The rapist.  
  
Something connects the three.  
  
What is it?  
  
As I walk to the elevator, I bump into a woman walking out. I glance at her and recognize her by her boyish haircut. I state as a way of apology. She glares up at me, then sighs.   
  
Dammit, Mi-chan, you don't gotta run over everyone in your way just cause they are, she stabs her right index finger in my direction, we're living, breathing creatures too, y'know.  
  
I look her over, you just came from Yanagi-san's room?  
  
She looks away. Where else would I have been in this place, Mi-chan?  
  
I blink at the lack of sarcasm in what she just said, then take a step closer to her. The elevator doors close behind her. How is she?  
  
As well as anyone in her position would be, I guess, she shrugs, but something's really bothering me.  
  
Could Fuuko have the same kind of feeling that I'm having? What is it?  
  
She crosses her arms. The way she reacted from Recca, mainly. And every time Yanagi mentions something about the rapist touching her, I just get the strangest feeling, she frowns, it's really starting to bother me.  
  
I look at her impassively. I didn't know anything about the touch' thing, but I guess it's something to file away. Well, I'll talk to her anyway, I say, making my way to the elevator and pressing the button. Something touches my arm, and I look back at Fuuko.   
  
Mi-chan, if you find out something...ah, how about I wait for you, okay? I nod. The elevator doors open, and I walk in, watching Fuuko walk away as they close.   
  
I walk out slowly as the doors open to my floor. Strange as it is to admit to myself, I'm nervous. I don't want to touch something off in Yanagi that will make her act like she did yesterday.   
  
Ow...fuckin'-a, should've just walked in the front...  
  
I look out from my thoughts, just to catch Hanabishi trying to haul himself through a small window at the end of the hall. Why he's using the window to get into the hospital...it looks suspicious. I stop walking towards Yanagi's room and quietly watch his actions.  
  
Hanabishi falls into the hospital, curses, and quietly stands up and dusts himself off. He walks directly to Yanagi's room and reaches out for the doorknob. Then he stops.   
  
He doesn't move for a long while.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Domon's POV)  
  
...and so Kaasan wants me to work the counter cause she plans to give me the shop soon.  
  
Kasumi-chan looks up at me with the cutest smile on her face. I'm happy you're getting what you want, Domon-kun.  
  
I don't really have what I want. I want Fuuko, but she's made it more than clear that she doesn't want me.   
  
Ne, mind if I butt into your private lil' convo?  
  
Fuuko-sama!  
  
No, no, not at all! I chirp up. My beautiful wind goddess walks over to us. Then it's quiet. Really quiet. Like, for a long time quiet. Kasumi-chan shuffles around, then smiles.  
  
Eto, I should finish off updating files, then I'm going home. It was nice talking to you, Domon-kun, Kirisawa-san! Then she hurries over to the counter.  
  
I watch her leave, then turn to Fuuko. And then my nose is smashed in! Oh, you're such a dumbass, Domon. Over my hands cupping protectively around my nose, I can see her glaring at me.  
  
What'd I do? I ask, resigned. Ever since junior high Fuuko's used a sort of Tough Love' with me, and that's why I respect her so much.   
  
But my nose really hurts...  
  
Fuuko sighs loudly and places her hands on her hips. What's that chibi girl to you?  
  
Kasumi-chan? She used to tutor me in school.  
  
She's the girl that tutored you through all 3 years, right?  
  
I nod, confused.  
  
She must really like you then, right?  
  
_I like you...I really like you...I want us to always be together...I want us to be in the next year together... _  
  
I mutter, yeah, she did.  
  
Fuuko grins up at me, then gives me a thumbs up. Well, isn't that a good thing? I mean, a girl likes you! Go for it!  
  
But Fuuko... I start, but she cuts me off.  
  
And you must like her too, or else you wouldn't have been able to stand having her tutor you for over 2 years, right?  
  
Well, yeah, but...  
  
Now she seems angry. Don't tell me that you're still going for me? It's hopeless Domon, I prefer being an independent woman. Besides, we're best friends, right? That's all we should be.  
  
So. That's it then.  
  
Oh, get that gloomy look off your face, Fuuko crosses her arms, at least give her a chance. I mean, you never know, right?  
  
I look over at the counter where Kasumi was working, and I feel this twinge when I see that she's packing up to go home. As far as I know, she doesn't have a bike so she can quickly home, and I don't think she has a car either.  
  
She's....she's going to walk home, even after...everything that's happened?  
  
I feel another twinge in my stomach.   
  
I don't want anything to hurt her.  
  
I walk over to Kasumi as she walks around the front counter. Kasumi-chan, are you going home now? She looks up at me with those large eyes, the same color as the leaf of a dark-colored rose, with the normal bland look she gives to everyone.  
  
Well, yes, Domon-kun. I have a lot of work to do for my classes that I need to get to...   
  
I shrug. Alright, let's go.  
  
She looks up at me for a second longer, and then we walk out of the hospital silently.  
  
As long as she's with me I'm not going to let anything happen to her.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Mikagami's POV)  
  
Sighing mentally, I walk over to him. Generally, you turn the doorknob in order to go inside the room.  
  
He jerks away from the door and glares at me. Mikagami, what're you doing here?   
  
I'm here to see Yanagi, same as you, I arch my eyebrows, but I used the front entrance. He scowls at that and roughly runs a hand through his bangs. I walk over to the door and reach out to grasp the knob the same time he does.  
  
He has calloused fingers and palm.  
  
Yanagi woke up and went into hysteria when he touched her face.  
  
Yanagi has faint reddish marks on her face.  
  
If he touched her again, wouldn't she recognize the touch of the...  
  
I jerk away and pull out Ensui from my pants pocket. Jagged ice races outward from my madougu. My eyes touch again on Hanabishi's form.  
  
Of all the people I could suspect, it would've never been him.  
  
What? What the hell's your problem, Mi-bou? Annoyance mixed with a trace of anger is in his tone, and it makes me even angrier that he can still try to pull this farce.  
  
I had a grudging respect for you, but only because you seemed sincerely devoted to Yanagi-san. Only because of that. I never thought that you were so base as to... I trail off, waves of fury distorting my normally cool disposition.  
  
Why? Why would HE, of all people, do such a despicable act to her...  
  
He scratches his head, then glares at me again. Che, so I haven't found the asshole who attacked Yanagi-hime yet. But I will. I promised her that I would, by my honor. I haven't seen you out there, y'know.  
  
Don't you dare try to play dumb with me.  
  
Something doesn't feel right about this either.  
  
He writes a character in the air, and Saiha's blade explodes out of Hanabishi's tekkou, I don't know what the fuck is your problem, Mikagami, but if you want to fight, fine. I can't find that rat bastard, Hime's injured and she freaks out if I touch her and now you want a piece of me!  
  
Something in his words sounds sincere, calming my anger down by degrees. Absentmindedly, I look at my hands gripping Ensui's handle.   
  
They're calloused too, aren't they? They're rough because I've handled swords for the better part of my life. And Hanabishi's hands would be calloused too because he handles materials for fireworks. Some of those items would undoubtedly roughen the skin.  
  
Ensui's blade liquifies and splashes onto the floor.   
  
The rapist really could be anyone.  
  
Hanabishi, confused, shakes his head and the fire blade disappears. Changed your mind?  
  
I look at Yanagi's door. Don't disturb Yanagi-san right now.  
  
  
  
If you go in there, you'll want to touch her, I state dully, and that wouldn't be a good idea right now.  
  
Hanabishi growls in exasperation. And why the hell would it be a bad idea to comfort Hime by touching her?  
  
Because every time you touch her, you'll remind her of the rapist. To her, you'll be the rapist.  
  
Silence, except for the monotonous rhythm of our breaths.  
  
And then he runs past me, his steps thudding down the hall and down, it seems, the stairs.  
  
I stare at Yanagi's door, and I can't bring myself to reach out again and simply twist the knob.  
  
We'll all remind her of the rapist.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Yep, that was chapter 6. That was....tiring. Although I had started this before the major uphaul at FF.net, I just couldn't work. It was on and off writing, just because things got in the way. And I realized how spoiled I was in receiving such gracious reviews, because that's what usually motivates me into actually working. I knew what I was going to write, but I had....writers' life. As in, my own. A dangerous syptom, ne?  
  
I only got to work because of Karen-chan's review. Thanks Karen! I'm sorry if the timeline of this series is bugging you, but, like, it really makes sense. I mean, a lot of things happen in one day in real life, so this isn't any different. Yes, the climax is coming! Sorry that it seems to be going by so slowly. But, I'm happy to hear from you again! I'm never online, gomen...and I love that idea of a Christmas present...  
  
Showstopper, hi! Yeah, I can't say much about chapter 5 except for Poor me...poor, poor me...'. Perhaps it's because I *had* to post it up during the upgrading of FF.net. It scared me when I first saw all my fics as updating...we are regenerating this file' or something weird like that. Yeah, I already have a college to go to. I'm going to a JC. Thing is, I graduate from high school in January, and that's when I start college too. Why...I have no clue anymore...  
  
GilA_gurl...shrugs interesting name there. Y'know, I'm convinced that everyone hates Yanagi. I dislike her in the anime, but I think she's pretty cool in the manga. Go figure. Anyway, I'm happy you can put away your dislike long enough to appreciate the fic...I try...  
  
ReccaGirl! Long time no see! Um, wow...I'm sorry to hear about what happened, but everything is better now, yes? I'll be reading your fic soon, and thanks for telling me what happened, I was getting pretty worried, what with all the things happening in the East Coast lately...  
  
Let's see here...I have a couple of announcements, if you don't mind. First, Hoowee, where are you? Second, I have succumbed to the evils of the Internet and had Karen design a website for me. Now, when FF.net goes down and you have a hankering for depressing fics, you can simply go to http://tenshinofic.zzweb.net/ and explore! There's a couple of fics there that I might not post up on FF.net, so you'll have to go there to see some...interesting material. I have a lot of things that I want to do with the site in the future, but everything's going to be a little slower because...um, third, I'm dating seriously! (This is the term mature people use when they're ready for a serious relationship', right?) This also means that I'll be lucky to finish Shiawasena by the end of November...but I won't give up!   
  
Ch. 7: The beginning to the end. We know not what we do...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Do We Know Not What We

Shiawasena Owari Katanantenai  
  
A Recca no Honoo fanfic  
By Tenshi no Ai  
  
Yes, I absolutely still do not own Recca no Honoo. I am merely borrowing these characters, although I can't say that I'll bring them back in perfect condition...  
  
(A/N: The second promise that Recca remembers is not my own creation, it's actually the last thing he says in Shounen Sunday #49. Yeah, it's a spoiler, deal with it. I was happy when I translated it...unfortunately, this chapter requires that I am anything but...)  
  


(A/N #2: I'm going to thank reviewers of ch. 6 chapter now, because it's more appropriate. I'm sorry, but this is going to be very short.  
  
rhiannon  
  
ice blue eyes  
  
Luna Crescent  
  
The Blue Sorceress  
  
stoned phreak  
  
ReccaGirl  
  
Jyun-chan  
  
Showstopper  
  
Karen  
  
As well as those who reviewed Shiawasena Side Story #1-The Presence of You...  
  
rhiannon  
  
The Blue Sorceress  
  
Showstopper  
  
Anyway, onto the chapter...)  
  
  
  
Ch. 7: Do (We Know Not What We...)  
(Yanagi and Recca's POV)  
  
  
(Yanagi's POV)  
  
It's dark in here. So dark. No lights. Too dark.  
  
I can't sleep. How can I?   
  
I feel him in here.   
  
He's going to wait until I drift off, then he's going to...  
  
Kasumi-san usually leaves the lights on for me. But tonight a nurse was here, and she said that no one could possibly sleep with the full lights on. So then she turned them off.  
  
But it's too dark in here to sleep.   
  
I wish I had some sort of weapon here. Then I could protect myself!  
  
No, but wait...I'm too weak. He'd just wrench it away from my grasp and hurt me more because I dared stand up against him.   
  
I look at my left arm. Yes, like that time.   
  
Nothing can stop him. He's invincible and he always gets what he wants.  
  
_You belong to me_  
  
He wants me.  
  
Slowly, trying not to alert *his* attention, I draw my knees up to my chest and hug them with my useable arm. The tears leak out of my eyes, and my body shakes with silent sobs.  
  
I can't make a sound.  
  
I hate this. I hate this so much. I don't want to live like this! I wish he had killed me in that alley because...  
  
It hurts too much to live.  
  
My body shakes harder. When I get out of here, I'll have nothing. I know this. Fuuko-chan was trying to make me feel better by saying how much everyone cares about me.  
  
But how can I care about myself? It's obvious that other people don't care about my well-being.  
  
I'm just a shell for people to abuse. Even my famed healing powers...what use are they?  
  
They can't heal my emotions. They can't make what happened to me disappear.  
  
The only thing that makes my hurt disappear are those pills Kasumi-san gave me.  
  
Slowly, I turn my head towards the night stand. Yes, they're still there! The bottle looks so small next to the glass of water on that table, and, just like what the last nurse tonight said, they're open just in case.  
  
I need them.  
  
When I take them, my hurt vanishes. It all vanishes. There's only me...and Recca.   
  
Stealthily, I shift towards the night stand. I have to make sure that he doesn't see me, or else he'll just throw the pills away and then start hurting me. I know he'll do this, even though I can't see him right now.  
  
But he's here, so I have to be careful.  
  
I stretch out my arm ever so slowly, pushing through the motionless air until my hand is over the top of the bottle. I close my hand over the bottle, making sure that no errant rattles escapes and alerts *him*.   
  
Once my precious prize, the pills that take me to my wonderland, is safely in my lap, I reach again for the glass of water, making sure that none of it spills.   
  
Okaasan's face comes into my mind. Not my most recent memory of it, crumbled into itself and stained with tears, but her normal cheery expression. I strove to be like her because she was always so happy. She's the cheeriest, nicest nurse I know. In this memory, she was teaching me about taking pills.   
  
_If you take too many of them at once, you'll just throw up and the effect will be lost. Instead, take them at intervals so you can achieve the fullest effect.  
  
_I want to be in my magical world forever.  
  
Slowly, as to not juggle the glass of water in my lap, I scrape out the first pill and place it on my tongue, then take a tiny sip of water. The pill goes down awkwardly, like it's stuck in my throat, so I take some more water.  
  
I'll wait ten minutes before taking the next pill.  
  
Recca...  
  
I remember when I felt his hands on me, and then I woke up and you were there. You..you were there, staring at me like I was the most foreign object to ever meet your eyes. You hesitated to reach out for me.  
  
You hesitated.  
  
And that's when I knew it was all over. I knew then how much you knew about what happened to me, and I wanted to die right then.   
  
That's why I turned away. I couldn't stand it. You knew. Just by looking at me you knew. I know that because the hospital wouldn't have told you what happened, nor would my parents. But you knew. And so does everyone else.   
  
You'd be dirty if you ever touched me. I don't want the ones I love to be polluted by me.  
  
But in my magical wonderland, I'll be different. I'll be clean. Nothing would change.   
  
I'll only be yours, Recca-kun...  
  
I can feel the _realness_ of this world, this world where one mistake will destroy your life forever, tug ever so gently at the edges of my darkness-covered vision. I think I'll use five minutes intervals instead. Then I'll be with you forever and ever, Recca-kun.  
  
_You belong to me  
  
_No. I don't.  
  
I belong to only Recca-kun.  
  
See, I'll prove it. I already have the next pill in my hand.  
  
I only belong to Recca-kun.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Recca's POV)  
  
It's too late. It's too late.  
  
Even if I find that asshole who...with Yanagi-hime, she'll hate me forever.   
  
_To her, you'll be the rapist_  
  
Mikagami's right. I hate to say it, but he's right. That's why Hime freaked out when I touched her last night. That's why she turned away from me when I tried to reach out to her and comfort her.  
  
It all makes sense now.  
  
There's nothing I can do now to make up for my mistakes.  
  
There's only one ending now.  
  
I ran all the way home. I have to do this as soon as possible, so I don't lose any more honor.   
  
Now that I know, there can't be anymore delay.  
  
Quietly, I take off my sneakers and walk up the stairs softly. This house is so old that everything creaks. Soon I'm in my room.   
  
I gotta do this quickly.   
  
I shrug off my shirt and stick my head in my closet, looking for that stupid box...where is it...ah! I throw my shirt into the closet and drag out the box out of a bunch of clothes to the middle of my room. Kami-sama...I gotta lot of crap in this room. Anyway, let's open this box and...  
  
Yep, just like I thought. I pull it out and hold it in front of me.  
  
The ninja outfit I wore when I fought for Hime during the Urabatousatsujin III.   
  
And you know what? I won too.  
  
But do I deserve to wear it now?   
  
Ah, screw it. I'm going to do this proper. I unzip and pull down my jeans, then start to put on the outfit's pants. I put on the netting top, the long-sleeved shirt and the tunic, taking off the tekkou for a moment to adjust the sleeve before putting it back on. Even though I've grown in the 3 years after everything that happened, it all still fits good.  
  
There's no turning back now.  
  
I clear off the middle of my room. As an afterthought, I go to the bathroom and pick up some of towels, spreading them on the newly-cleared floor.  
  
Hime...  
  
I walk over to my bookshelf and reach up. This is where I've placed my favorite katana.   
  
I keep on hesitating, pausing every once in awhile. I'm not scared...at least, not of doing this.  
  
I'm scared because I'll never see Hime again.   
  
I keep on breaking promises with her.   
  
_And we'll never show our powers to anyone else, okay?  
  
Okay, Hime  
  
_But I ended up showing them when I fought Kaachan in the abandoned warehouse.  
  
_We'll absolutely never separate from each other, koi!!  
  
_Well...I guess it sounded good at the time.  
  
I trudge back to the middle of the towels and carefully kneel down. I don't have enough time to prepare all the ceremonial stuff. Hell, I don't even have a kaishakunin, the second who's supposed to cut off my head after seppuku.  
  
What does it matter, anyway? I'm not a samurai, so I probably shouldn't even be doing this anyway.  
  
Maybe I should go over to Mikagami's and make him invoke the promise.  
  
_Don't worry. If you ever fail Yanagi-san, I'll cut you in half myself  
  
_No. I'm just trying to delay again. Why? Isn't this what I deserve?  
  
I unsheathe the sword, the metal reflecting the moonlight from my window.   
  
I place the tip of the blade at the middle of my stomach.  
  
Take a deep breath...  
  
Wait.  
  
This doesn't seem right.  
  
If I'm going to do this, I want Hime here. It's for her sake that I'm doing this. It's all for her.   
  
But I can't go to the hospital and see her because  
  
_You'll remind her of the rapist. To her you'll be the rapist_  
  
it's late out and if I come into her room now I'll  
  
_be the rapist_  
  
Yeah. That.  
  
Okay then. I know what to do. I get up and walk to my bookcase again. In front of the sword stand is the only framed picture I'll ever have in this room.   
  
This is a picture of Hime the day we all graduated from high school. Look at those turquoise eyes, so bright and full of life...so different than what they look like now...her light brown hair with the sunstreaks because Fuuko gave her a coupon to a hair stylist for her birthday two months before. But I remember her hair the last time I saw her, how dark it looked.   
  
And then there's her smile.   
  
But she'll never smile like that again. At least, not to me.  
  
Never again.  
  
This is my final walk to the middle of the floor. I set the framed picture on the outside of the towels, so that I can still see her, but my blood won't touch the frame.   
  
I don't want to make her dirty.  
  
I take my place in the middle of the towels and place the tip of the sword at my stomach again. In the moonlight I can see Hime's smile.  
  
I'll do anything to make you happy, Hime.  
  
The cold metal bites into my insides, pushing out of my back, but strangely it doesn't hurt as much when I look at you.  
  
I can still see you smiling at me through the tears in my eyes.  
  
You're happy, right?  
  
I'll do anything to make you happy.  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Observance

Shiawasena Owari Katanantenai  
  
A Recca no Honoo fanfic  
By Tenshi no Ai  
  
I own this plot. I so own this plot. However, the characters are on rental and not in the best condition...  
  
(A/N: What can I say? This is the conclusion to Shiawasena Owari Katanantenai. In other words...yes, there will be a sequel series, which is due to start in late December...probably)  
  
(A/N #2: Yeah, I gotta thank the multitude of people who reviewed chapter 7. My goddess, you people are really revved up, huh? Now, let's do this in order...  


  
Kari_n_Gatomon  
  
ice blue eyes  
  
Luna Crescent  
  
rhiannon  
  
gilA_gurl  
  
Showstopper  
  
ReccaGirl  
  
The Blue Sorceress  
  
Riana [email review])  
  
  
Ch. 8: Observance  
(Kasumi and Mikagami's POV)  
  
  
(Kasumi's POV)  
  
I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. No matter how many times I tell myself that it's true, that it actually happened, I just can't...  
  
I found out what happened last. I found out yesterday, Friday. By the time I did, it was all over. The only thing left to do is...  
  
I like to think that I see things about people that others don't. I observe people and I understand their secret sides.   
  
But then reality just crashes down into my fantasy and I'm left with shattered pieces, wondering What happened? Shouldn't I have seen this coming?'  
  
I pull my dress over my head, then flatten out all the wrinkles. It's a black dress. I hate black.  
  
Black is the absence of color.  
  
No wonder some cultures equate it with death.  
  
I can feel the tears starting to form in my eyes again. Not again. But even as I brush these tears away I can feel more forming from that pit of sadness deep, deep within me.   
  
The only time I didn't cry was when I quit working at the hospital. Obasan let me off easily. After all, the hospital carries a lot of responsibility over what happened, and even though it isn't my fault how things turned out, it was better this way for all parties involved.  
  
I brush my hair with a few careless strokes and pin it up.  
  
It hurts. It hurts. It hurts so much.  
  
I can't help but think that this is all a huge coincidence. No one REALLY plans these things to happen, right? I mean, it happened in different locations. If it was really planned, wouldn't they have wanted to...together?  
  
But everyone believes differently, and there are oh so many people talking about it. Everyone loves a good tragedy.  
  
Except for the people involved.  
  
I walk downstairs and put on flat black shoes. I'm going to go to Domon-kun's.  
  
Then we're going to attend the funerals.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
(Mikagami's POV)  
  
I hate funerals, and I hate the people that go to them.  
  
...did you hear how she...  
  
...overdose of sleeping pills...  
  
...he committed seppuku...  
  
...it was joushi...  
  
...two lovers, ready to kill themselves because...  
  
  
  
It takes all my willpower not to react in some way that would be detrimental to this...event. Joushi? The lovers' suicide? This isn't kabuki theater, this is life.  
  
If I hate funeral goers, I should hate myself the most.  
  
This funeral is being held in such a way as to allow as many or few people as possible. Yanagi had made many friends in college, due to her quiet, personable nature. And, of course, to be a friend of Yanagi's means to be friends with Recca. So, the starting ceremony of the funeral is being held in a large banquet hall, then we will head to upper Nagogiri, where the cemetery is, and deliver our respects.  
  
Incidentally, Mifuyu is buried there.  
  
I make my way to the front of the room, where amid all the incense and small times of burial flowers and food there also stands a small picture of Yanagi and Recca together. Koganei took the picture a year ago and had made copies for all of the Hokage. I suspect that either Koganei or Kagerou-san donated that picture to use as the official picture, because that is also the picture at the outside entrance.   
  
I wouldn't have given up my copy.  
  
I look to my left as I reach the middle of the room. Ishijima and his intern friend are sitting in the middle of the row, not saying or doing anything. I heard that she quit working at the hospital because of her guilt in Yanagi's suicide.   
  
Then again, I heard that Yanagi had a smile on her face when she died.  
  
Suddenly the girl sniffs and covers her face with her hands. Ishijima turns to look at her and notices me. The look in his eyes are hollow. We lock eyes for a motionless moment, then he breaks away to attend to the girl.  
  
I walk on. Eventually, although it feels that time stretches with each step, I reach the front. To my right are Yanagi's parents. I glance over at them. Yanagi's okaasan is in a formal black kimono. Her eyes are closed, but tears still fall from them. Yanagi's otousan, his attire a black suit, silently reaches over and holds her hands. They've held up admirably, from what I've heard. They were the ones who offered to combine and pay the costs of both funerals. They've also donated large sums of money to the local police and media, in order so the police could work faster and the media not get in their way.   
  
It's admirable, but nothing has happened yet.  
  
I look to my left. My eyes touch on Hanabishi-san's form first. He sits there, in a black suit that doesn't seem to fit him physically or personality-wise, with an expressionless face. For a man that has the energy of Recca and Koganei combined, it seems pitiful to see him now, lifeless and implanted in a suit in order to mourn. He blinks, and that is all.  
  
Next to him is Kagerou-san. She notices me and waves for me to come over. I do so almost reluctantly. She stands as I approach, her kimono rustling slightly as she does so. Mikagami-kun, it's nice to see that you made it, she says automatically. I truly doubt those sort of words when her son, who she only got to know for 4 short years, is dead.   
  
But custom is custom.   
  
Is there something you wanted? I can't stand small talk, especially now. She regards me, and closes her eyes. Her skin, already very pale, is almost albino, except for the skin around her eyes. Despite faint makeup, it is evidence of sleepless nights spent mourning. Then she opens her eyes and stares directly at me.  
  
I've been hearing rumors of causes of Recca and Yanagi's...deaths, she pauses, unwilling to admit that they had wanted to die, undoubtedly you have heard them too.  
  
For a second the murmurs of the rest of the room wash up against me, like the high tide. I hate funeral goers because of this very reason. They may not know anything, but they bring their opinions anyway. And they have an incessant need to share them, eventually poisoning even the ones who knew the deceased best.   
  
You wouldn't believe what I had heard regarding Mifuyu's death.  
  
I wouldn't know, I bite back the bitterness welling up in my heart and stomach, you knew your son best, not them.  
  
Kagerou-san looks away. No, I didn't. Yanagi-chan did.  
  
She sits back down.  
  
I walk over to the last person in this row. Koganei is trying not to cry, trying to be as stony as his foster father. As I step in front of his seat, he looks up at me wearily. Hey, Tokiya-niichan, looks like we're all here after all, he says, trying to sound nonchalant.   
  
I say nothing.  
  
As I look at him steadily, his bubble of indifference pops. His face crumbles among itself as the last of his mature facade dissolves into the form of a little kid without his parents. Even though he has his Hanabishi-touchan' and Kagerou-kaachan', we all know who he thinks of as his parents'. I can't...why...why did they kill themselves? You're smart, Tokiya-niichan, you tell me! Tell me why...  
  
And the rest of his words are nothing more than incoherent sobs.   
  
I don't know why, Koganei. Why the hell does everyone think that I hold all the answers? Just because I haven't cried my own share of tears? Just because I'm seemingly rational?  
  
It doesn't mean I know.  
  
...it hurts too much...  
  
I leave him alone.  
  
I find the final figure of the Hokage in the front of the room. Fuuko is the only one there, crouching in front of the pictures of Yanagi and Recca. Her shoulders, bare because of her tank top, shake. In fact, she's dressed normally, in her usual tank top, shorts and sneakers. Even Domon tried to dress up in black pants and dress shirt.  
  
Even I dressed up.  
  
I step up beside her, looking at all the layers and layers of...stuff...that people have left in respect. Mostly food. The overpowering stench of incense burns my nose.   
  
...never forgive them...  
  
I look down, almost startled. Fuuko, head bowed, stands up with clenched hands at her sides. She raises her head and flicks a glance at me.   
  
I say nothing, but turn my head back to the arrangement in front of me.  
  
I can't believe that people give this kinda crap to dead people. Why? Recca hates incense and Yanagi can bake better cookies, she mutters in a brittle tone.  
  
Is that why you didn't dress up?  
  
She fluidly turns to me like a wild animal. Why the hell should I? THEY'RE dead. What the hell would they care what I look like? She hits her right palm against her bare collarbone, this is the only me they've EVER seen. I ain't changing my appearance just because they up and decided to kill themselves!  
  
I sigh. What right do you have to be angry?  
  
What right do they have to decide to kill themselves? She shoots back, another emotion other than anger appearing in her eyes, Yanagi promised! She promised to see me the next day! She said that we were good friends! Friends don't lie to each other! She jabs a finger at the picture of a smiling and blushing Yanagi and Recca, and that is why I'll never forgive her!  
  
She's dead, I say bluntly, so it wouldn't matter to her anyway.  
  
Tears spring out of Fuuko's eyes and her fists unclench. Her head bows and her shoulders shake in a struggle to control herself. D...damn you, Mikagami...so damned unfeeling, even when your friends die...you only care about your own agenda...  
  
A sharp anger rises in the pit of my stomach. Don't assume you understand me, Kirisawa. Just because I'm not as quick to let everyone see my emotions doesn't give you the right to judge me.  
  
She raises her head to glare at me. Go to hell, Mikagami. You've been judging us since day one, what with your monkey this, monkey that' shit. You could at least attempt a sad face, considering that your precious Yanagi-san is dead. Or is that beyond you?  
  
A part of me wants to respond to that, but I realize that she's just lashing out. So I just turn my attention back to the arrangement in front of me.   
  
It was supposed to be a happy ending.  
  
I glance at her. She runs a hand through her disheveled bangs and rubs her arm roughly past her eyes. What do you mean by that? I ask.  
  
Even though Yanagi was raped, even though it would take her years to ever be anything like the old Yanagi, I thought...I believed that, in the end, her and her precious ninja would be able to get through. Y'know, because of love or something. One of those sorta things that I see every time I turn on the TV, or read in books. That love conquers all', or something like that, she suddenly look very tired, with all the shit that it took for those two to be together, I was starting to think that it was true.  
  
A hime and her ninja will always be together.  
  
With that, she turns around and walks down the aisle and out the door.   
  
I am the only one in front of Yanagi and Recca's picture.  
  
I kneel down. A wave of something akin to sadness washes over me as I look at the picture. In it, they're standing very close without touching. I almost remember...  
  
_I got a new camera, Yanagi-chan!  
  
Well, why don't you do something with it instead of wave it around? That's how all accidents start, y'know...  
  
Fuuko-neechan, you're mean...well, I want the first picture to be a special one. Can I take a picture of you, Yanagi-chan?  
  
No way in hell I'm gonna have you take a picture of Hime, ya...  
  
Don't be mean, Recca-kun. I kind of...I kind of want to take a picture...  
  
Alright, but I'm gonna take the picture with ya, just so...  
  
Recca, despite what you think, cameras don't take people's souls.  
  
Shut up, Fuuko!  
  
Are you gonna stand still so I can take the picture, Recca-niichan?  
  
Alright, alright...  
  
Steady now, steady...steady...  
  
We're standing still! Take the damn picture already!  
  
Recca-kun, don't use that kind of language...  
  
Sorry, Hime!  
  
Ooo, someone's whipped!  
  
chik!  
  
Hey! That's blinding! And dammit, Domon, take back what you just said!  
  
Hanabishi, does it really matter? We all know it's true.  
  
Dammit, Mi-bou!  
  
There was laughter.  
  
Hey, you're all laughing at me! Some friends I got...  
  
Recca-kun, I'm sorry...  
  
No, no, Hime! I didn't mean you! You're too special to me for me to ever get mad at you...  
  
_  
I remember it all. These memories...there's almost too many of them.  
  
Happy ending? Fuuko's living in a fantasy world if she thought that everything was going to be alright in the end. But she...I think she was wrong.   
  
What is a happy ending, anyway? This isn't a play, or a story. It's life. We have to take what we can.   
  
No, the rapist hasn't been found. Will he ever be found?  
  
It's not...it's not important right now.  
  
Yanagi and Recca are dead. They killed themselves with sleeping pills and a katana. It had to have been a coincidence, because they had never even talked ever since...ever since this started. Last Saturday. Exactly a week ago.   
  
This was a coincidence, but it was inevitable. If Recca still committed seppuku and Yanagi hadn't taken those pills, she would've anyway as soon as she heard of his death. And vice versa.   
  
What is a happy ending?  
  
I believe that, under these circumstances, this was the happiest ending. They never even knew that the other had died.  
  
I reach into my jacket pocket and remove Ensui. I place it directly in front of the picture, then I take it back. They had nothing to do with Ensui.   
  
We'll see if I need to use Ensui again.  
  
This is an ending though. For the Hokage, for me, this was not a happy ending.  
  
Maybe Yanagi and Recca would disagree.  
  
But it wasn't easy for any of us to get to.  
  
_Shiawasena owari katanantenai...  
  
_There are no more easy happy endings.  
  


~Owari~  



End file.
